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Funny satire stories about Border Patrol

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Funny story: Border Patrol K-9 Veteran "Pistolero" Named The US Border Patrol Dog of The Year

Border Patrol K-9 Veteran "Pistolero" Named The US Border Patrol Dog of The Year

LAREDO, Texas – (Satire News) – Boom Boom News is reporting that the US Border Patrol has just named their “2022 US Border Patrol Dog of The Year." And the honor goes to a 7-year veteran of the US K-9 Corps, named Pistolero. Pistolero, a German…

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Funny story: Biden Suspends The Horses In The Haitian Border Fiasco

Biden Suspends The Horses In The Haitian Border Fiasco

D.C - Prez Biden suspended the horses that were involved in the Great Western rodeo roundup of Haitian migrants trying to cross the Texas border last week. Officially, it was the 'use of horses' at the border that got suspended, after viral vide…

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Funny story: President Biden Personally Fires 3 Border Patrol Agents on Horseback Who Herded Haitians Like Cattle

President Biden Personally Fires 3 Border Patrol Agents on Horseback Who Herded Haitians Like Cattle

DEL RIO, Texas – (Satire News) – Scandal Today’s Cheyenne Patio witnessed with her very own eyes cruelty against immigrants that is reminiscent of the terroristic reign of Donald John “The Con” Trump. While close to 21,000 Haitians huddled underne…

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Funny story: The Border Patrol Will Transport 18,000 Illegal Haitians From Del Rio, Texas To Georgia

The Border Patrol Will Transport 18,000 Illegal Haitians From Del Rio, Texas To Georgia

DEL RIO, Texs – (Satire News) – The U.S. Border Patrol has just stated that there are currently close to 21,000 citizens of Haitian descent living beneath Del Rio’s Hillary Clinton Honorary Bridge. Most are women and children who left Haiti becaus…

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Funny story: US- Mexico Border Wall Inspectors Find That Beavers Are Eating The Friggin’ Wall

US- Mexico Border Wall Inspectors Find That Beavers Are Eating The Friggin’ Wall

TIJUANA, Mexico – (Satire News) – US Border Patrol inspectors have learned that unruly beavers are causing tremendous damage to “El Trumpo’s Wall,” as it is known throughout Mexico, Central America, and South America. BP Agent Zeke Carpenwinkle, 2…

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Funny story: President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

President Trump is Furious That 187 Feet of the Border Wall Was Painted Black

CALEXICO, California – President Donald Trump has inspected a section of his big beautiful wall that Mexico will be paying for, ahhh, sometime in 2025 maybe. A Border Patrol agent, who drove him along the wall, said that POTUS asked him why they h…

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Funny story: A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

A Costa Rican ‘Tourist’ Caught Trying to Smuggle 70 Rolls of Charmin Toilet Paper Into the USA

CALEXICO, California - Border Patrol agents in the border town of Calexico have apprehended a person they described as being an illegal tourist. Agents Dusty Voight and Chauncey Ortega said that they were patrolling the border wall between Calexic...

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Funny story: Central American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus

Central American Immigrants Have Stopped Coming To the USA Because They Fear They’ll Catch the C-19 Flu Virus

LAREDO, Texas – The Laredo sector of the Border Patrol has stated that the apprehension of illegal immigrants has dropped by 98%. BP spokesperson, Benardo Poggenpohl, said that in his conversation with one of the Guatemalan detainees, he was told,...

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Funny story: ICE detainees break into finely choreographed song and dance number

ICE detainees break into finely choreographed song and dance number

In what has been described as a “rare and fantastic phenomena”, detainees at an ICE facility in Arizona broke into a seemingly flawless song and dance number early Sunday morning. Approximately at 7:15 in the AM, ICE employees became baffled when the...

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Funny story: VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”

VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”

Visiting the border recently, Mr. Pence stressed that the camps are clean and orderly, with every inmate receiving food and medical attention. Standing beside a crowded cage filled with annoyed looking males (and body stench wafting through the ba...

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Funny story: CBP staff with internal review and solid proof AOC is full of baloney

CBP staff with internal review and solid proof AOC is full of baloney

The problem at the border includes hordes of women and children, with parents separated from their kids, and kept in “concentration camps.” Into this hurly-burly came Alexandria Ocasio-Cortez (AOC), interviewing the inmates. She reported they had...

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Funny story: Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Feds Open No-Kill Shelter for Immigrants on Texas/Mexico Border

Laredo, TX - The federal government has opened a new no-kill shelter in this border town to help find homes for thousands of new illegal immigrants who continue flooding into the country. In the past, if an illegal alien sneaked across our border...

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Funny story: U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

U.S. Border Patrol Agents Shoot Down A Drone Transporting 200 Pounds of Marijuana

EL PASO - United States Border Patrol agents have reported that they've just shot down a drone that crossed over from Mexico into the United States. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol stated that the drone was truly a state of the art drone and...

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Funny story: Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

Wyoming Training Bassett Hound Corp

CHEYENNE, WYOMING - The Governor's Office has released a statement that a specially trained Basset Hound Corp is being assembled in Wyoming. The Bassett Hounds which are friendly, docile dogs, will be used to patrol the 8 foot fence along the bord...

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Funny story: Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

Border Patrol Agents In Arizona Find 43 Illegal Aliens Crammed Into A KIA Spectra

NOGALES, Arizona - Border Patrol agents in the Nogales sector have reported that they stopped a car 17 miles north of the border that was traveling at a high rate of speed. The car, a 2006 KIA Spectra appeared to have four flat tires. But when age...

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Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

Illegal Aliens Are Now Using Ultralight Planes To Cross Into The United States

EL PASO - The United States Border Patrol has just stated that they have just discovered a new way in which illegal aliens from Mexico and Central America are using to cross the border into the U.S. A spokesperson for the Border Patrol, Hillary Za...

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Funny story: Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

Illegal Aliens Are Now Crossing The Border Disguised as Jehovah's Witnesses

NOGALES, Arizona - The Arizona sector of the United States Border Patrol has informed the news media that they have recently caught 37 illegal aliens trying to cross the border dressed as Jehovah's Witnesses. Border Patrol spokesperson Wendell Far...

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