VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 16 July 2019

image for VP Pence says Customs Border Patrol over-worked and there could be “a few bad apples”
This may or may not be Mr. Pence as a child

Visiting the border recently, Mr. Pence stressed that the camps are clean and orderly, with every inmate receiving food and medical attention.

Standing beside a crowded cage filled with annoyed looking males (and body stench wafting through the bars), Mr. Pence said over-crowding was rare but unfortunate, and being worked on.

As to the 70 CBP personnel under investigation as part of a secret Facebook group, Mr. Pence pointed to “stress as inevitably part of a difficult situation.”

These individuals belong to a 9,500-member group, known as “I’m 10-15,” and critical of migrants in custody.

A number of the FB posts feature insulting comments directed at members of Congress who have visited border camps and reported deplorable conditions.

The postings include depiction of Representative Casio-Cortez in a sexual position with Mr. Trump, plus jeering at migrants drowned in the Rio Grande.

These responses appear to relate to what is now known as "a culture of cruelty," including news images of CBP patrol kicking over water bottles or emptying bottles into the desert.

This “culture of cruelty” is alleged to be encouraged by the Trump administration in order to spread a “get tough” message to refugees.

The message is: migrants are “not welcome” and will not be treated kindly.

CBP administrators say the issue is “unprofessional conduct” and members of the Border Patrol are expected to report to administration any “allegations of misconduct.”

But Mr. Pence stressed that most CBP officers are kind and devoted to a humane response to the overwhelming numbers coming to the US border.

“We all have stress,” Mr. Pence said, “and seek various ways of relief from it—as with Mr. Epstein and his clientele, all in high level positions as world leaders.”

“A Christian perspective is needed to understand that stress could be a problem for folks in very difficult jobs.”

"Where is tolerance and forgiveness?"

He continued:

“We must also realize we have a very fine system here. A little abuse may occur—”

“But, look. Our message to refugees is: y’all come on, and you’ll get your due.”

When reporters pointed out some ambiguity in this phrasing, as possibly meaning immigrants should NOT come, Mr. Pence's right eye appeared to flutter up and down.

“Just to be clear, I wasn’t talking FB code with that y’all come on remark,” Mr. Pence chuckled.

“But, now, as to a bad apple here and there, they do occur. That’s reality.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more