Pub And Restaurant Managers Say They Will Defy Government Shutdown, Unless Things Get Really Bad

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 21 March 2020

image for Pub And Restaurant Managers Say They Will Defy Government Shutdown, Unless Things Get Really Bad
The realm of the working class - it keeps them off the streets

After the UK government gave orders for pubs, clubs, bars and restaurants to shut down until further notice, to contain the spread of the Coronavirus, many of those in charge of those establishments said they will defy the ban, unless things got "really bad".

Prime Minister Boris Johnson said, on Friday, that no more half-measures could be taken, and ordered an immediate total shutdown.

But landlords weren't convinced.

One, Terry Fackoff, of the Millwall Brick pub in South Bermondsey, said:

"Peepuw loike der poynt. You ain't gonna stoppem cammin in ear, jas cuz sum oighty-toighty fackin pollytishun sez derza voirus ga'in rahnd."

And Mike Swagger, publican at The Dog's Bollocks in Kensington, remarked:

"Yes, we an-der-stand derza bituva bug abaht, but de panters loike a beer, and we'll be servin'em. Anless fings get too bad, that is."

Asked what constituted "too bad", Mick's wife, Grace, replied, through a translator:

"Obviously, if someone drops dead at the bar, or the toilets are full of corpses, we'll have to have a re-think. Anything like that is a health risk."

And landlord at The Perspiring Groin public house in Hull, Tatty Mullett, said:

"We'll stay open until we see folks keeling over. Zombies, stuff like that. Customers don't like to see that sort of thing. It's bad for business."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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