Bernie Sanders Refuses Russia’s Amazingly Generous Campaign Offer

Funny story written by Fannin Fabriano

Friday, 28 February 2020

image for Bernie Sanders Refuses Russia’s Amazingly Generous Campaign Offer
Bernie says that Trump can kiss Putin's ass but he ain't kissing diddly squat.

LONG BRANCH, South Carolina – The candidate who is leading the Democratic pack running for president, Bernie Sanders, told The Washington Globe Express that he has just received a tremendously generous offer from President Vladimir Putin of Russia.

Sanders said that he received a call from a Mr. Yurlovo Molovenko, who said he was one of Putin’s top aides. Bernie noted that Molovenko had informed him that Putin wanted to donate $18 million to the Sanders' Democratic Campaign Fund.

Bernie, who hates billionaires, Trump’s base, Russian food, hair combover jokes, and the dipshit in the White House, told Molovenko to tell Vlady thanks, but no thanks.

The 78-year-old Sanders said that he would rather kiss an oil-stained walrus before he would accept any money from Trump’s Russian boyfriend.

Molovenko replied, “Okay, is no big deal, Rip Van Winkle. We give dee $18 million to the Trumpster. He will take it in an effen New York second.”

IN A NON-RELATED STORY – Senator Lindsey “Dixie Belle” Graham says that there is no truth to the rumor that he secretly fantasizes about French kissing Anderson Cooper.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more