Trump Impeachment Trial Renews Americans' Faith in Kangaroo Courts

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 6 February 2020

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“Who doesn’t love a good kangaroo court?” said still-President Donald Trump.

Following the Senate decision to disallow witnesses at the impeachment trial of United States President Donald Trump, and to acquit Trump of the charges of abuse of power and obstruction of Congress, polls show a renewed American confidence in kangaroo courts.

“I’ve always loved kangaroos - ever since I read Winnie the Pooh,” said Marsha Haley of New York City. “I’m so pleased the U.S. finally got one.”

Gerald Freeman of Missoula, Montana, agreed. “It’s reassuring when the political system functions precisely and honorably as expected,” he said. “I mean, when you think about it, why should there ever be witnesses at any trials? You know all those people arrested were doing something wrong. We don’t need to hear them on the stand lying about it.”

He added, hastily, “Not that President Trump did anything wrong. The Senate proved that.”

Some senators, however, objected to the characterization of the Senate proceedings as a “kangaroo court,” defined as a court that ignores recognized standards of law and intentionally disregards the court’s legal and ethical obligations. Senator Lamar Alexander of Tennessee, who voted to reject a motion to allow new witnesses to testify regarding whether Trump, as alleged, delayed military aid to Ukraine in exchange for Ukraine’s promise to investigate his political rival Joe Biden, pointed out, “This isn’t Australia.”

In the wake of Trump’s acquittal, Americans say that their faith in the lack of integrity of the judicial system is stronger than ever – which comes as a relief to some who’d been feeling too good about the state of the nation. Stephanie Pollock of Newark, New Jersey, who suffers from bipolar disorder, said, “I’d been flying a little too high lately. I needed this injection of despair.”

Most heartened at all, however, is President Trump himself. “Who doesn’t love a good kangaroo court?” he said. “Let the bread and circuses continue!”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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