President Macron announced that his favorite sport will be in the 2024 Games! And that he 'bent over backwards' to get it included at the last minute. Macron and a small army of Caribbean hotel performers marched with signs all the way from Paris…
The owner of a strip club in, yes, you guessed it... Florida, has heard the Def Leppard hit, Pour Some Sugar On Me, one too many times, and has officially banned the song from being played by any of the strippers in his club—no matter how hot they ar…
CICERO, Illinois - (Business Satire) - After receiving literally thousands of suggestions from Mickey D patrons, the golden arches corporation has decided to add a new adult item to their ever-growing menu. McDonalds, in every state is now serving…
Although for years, Gin has been receiving all of the plaudits as the drink of choice for Hipsters, marketing people, and anyone wishing to jump on a fad before it disappears again, Tonic has been the silent partner, the one at the back, doing all of…
Klurkoff, Poland - Just when you think that it might be difficult to find even the slightest glimmer of a sliver lining to the Ukraine terror, Polish single dudes living anywhere near the Ukraine border are over the moon right now! Slakov Kawolski…
Sales of the new Sage & Onion Latte have been booming at coffee shops across the UK, as people will buy a dog turd on a stick if they’ve been told it’s a ‘Festive Limited Edition.’ “It’s just the ticket after a gruelling ninety minutes shopp…
Patrons thought last night was just another night at The Backroom Lounge just outside Rochester. Very few noticed the “giant hairy guy” who sat brooding in a far corner, beyond the pool table, by the Men’s bathroom. “He kept his head down and lo…
Gary and Lorraine Johnson had been looking forward to a night in the pub for months, and now that they can go out to pub places again, they didn't, because Gary noticed there was 'a bit of moisture in the air'. 'I was really looking forward to get…
Local bachelor, Stanley Bridgewater, is not looking forward to doing two of his least favourite things tomorrow: drinking in a pub, and talking to strangers in a pub. The lonely 47-year-old, who gets drunk on one pint of shandy, and has not got pa…
SAVANNAH, Georgia – The owner of one of the biggest bars in the city of Savannah has just changed its name. Charlotte Silverwater, who is owner of The Dixie Belle Bar & Grill, informed the news media that she has decided to open her saloon doo...
“I’ve always been kind of an over-achiever,” said Chase Landry of Nashville, Tennessee, who’s been working hard to overcome his issues with alcohol. “The ‘just for today’ concept may work for some people, but I think it’s important to think ahead.”...
Frustrated at finding himself yet again scrambling at the end of the year to come up with a New Year's resolution worthy of his sincere intention, Edwin Wallace of Nashville, Tennessee, abandoned the quest for this year, but vowed to come up with a t...
A big proponent of energy conservation, Hal Bailey, of Nashville, Tennessee, got the chance to put his eco-friendly values into practice when he successfully operated on fewer than all cylinders after a night of heavy partying. "I got sloppy waste…
Despite his best efforts to make better use of himself, Time ended up getting totally wasted - again. "I guess some stuff happened, but I have no clue what," said Time. "I was flying, is about all I can remember. And the seconds got a little slopp...
His barley roots notwithstanding, Captain Jack, a whisky of Scotch descent from Brown Water, Missouri, is still feeling his oats. "I get antsy," he said. "I just can't sit distilled." Although aged for over a decade, Captain Jack is not willing to...
The week after the holiday honoring Americans who died for their country, Hank Jessup of Nashville, Tennessee, found, ironically, that he had no memory of Memorial Day. “Blank slate,” said Jessup. “I was doing a little drinking.” Jessup explain...
Wisconsin. The results of a state-wide survey conducted by numerous academic departments within the University-Of-Wisconsin System, indicated that throwing a massive and psychotic fit, screaming at the Moon, crying intensely, and drinking hard liquo...
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