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Funny satire stories about drinking

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Funny story: They're Finally Here! McDonalds Now Has McJello Shots!

They're Finally Here! McDonalds Now Has McJello Shots!

CICERO, Illinois - (Business Satire) - After receiving literally thousands of suggestions from Mickey D patrons, the golden arches corporation has decided to add a new adult item to their ever-growing menu. McDonalds, in every state is now serving…

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Funny story: Tonic is the cool one

Tonic is the cool one

Although for years, Gin has been receiving all of the plaudits as the drink of choice for Hipsters, marketing people, and anyone wishing to jump on a fad before it disappears again, Tonic has been the silent partner, the one at the back, doing all of…

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Funny story: Polish Nightclub Scene Near Ukraine Border Just Got A Whole Lot Better

Polish Nightclub Scene Near Ukraine Border Just Got A Whole Lot Better

Klurkoff, Poland - Just when you think that it might be difficult to find even the slightest glimmer of a sliver lining to the Ukraine terror, Polish single dudes living anywhere near the Ukraine border are over the moon right now! Slakov Kawolski…

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Funny story: Christmas wankers lap up Sage & Onion latte

Christmas wankers lap up Sage & Onion latte

Sales of the new Sage & Onion Latte have been booming at coffee shops across the UK, as people will buy a dog turd on a stick if they’ve been told it’s a ‘Festive Limited Edition.’ “It’s just the ticket after a gruelling ninety minutes shopp…

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Funny story: Bigfoot spotted in upstate bar: Sat alone drinking in a corner booth, left a strange tip

Bigfoot spotted in upstate bar: Sat alone drinking in a corner booth, left a strange tip

Patrons thought last night was just another night at The Backroom Lounge just outside Rochester. Very few noticed the “giant hairy guy” who sat brooding in a far corner, beyond the pool table, by the Men’s bathroom. “He kept his head down and lo…

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Funny story: Couple not going to the pub, because there is a bit of a drizzle in the air

Couple not going to the pub, because there is a bit of a drizzle in the air

Gary and Lorraine Johnson had been looking forward to a night in the pub for months, and now that they can go out to pub places again, they didn't, because Gary noticed there was 'a bit of moisture in the air'. 'I was really looking forward to get…

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Funny story: Local Lightweight not looking forward to going out tomorrow night

Local Lightweight not looking forward to going out tomorrow night

Local bachelor, Stanley Bridgewater, is not looking forward to doing two of his least favourite things tomorrow: drinking in a pub, and talking to strangers in a pub. The lonely 47-year-old, who gets drunk on one pint of shandy, and has not got pa…

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Funny story: A Bar in Georgia Changes Its Name to the C-19 Good Old Boy Lounge

A Bar in Georgia Changes Its Name to the C-19 Good Old Boy Lounge

SAVANNAH, Georgia – The owner of one of the biggest bars in the city of Savannah has just changed its name. Charlotte Silverwater, who is owner of The Dixie Belle Bar & Grill, informed the news media that she has decided to open her saloon doo...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Takes Sobriety Two Days at a Time

Nashville Man Takes Sobriety Two Days at a Time

“I’ve always been kind of an over-achiever,” said Chase Landry of Nashville, Tennessee, who’s been working hard to overcome his issues with alcohol. “The ‘just for today’ concept may work for some people, but I think it’s important to think ahead.”...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Nashville Man Vows to Come Up with Really Good New Year's Resolution(s) for Next Year

Frustrated at finding himself yet again scrambling at the end of the year to come up with a New Year's resolution worthy of his sincere intention, Edwin Wallace of Nashville, Tennessee, abandoned the quest for this year, but vowed to come up with a t...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Successfully Operates on Fewer than All Cylinders

Nashville Man Successfully Operates on Fewer than All Cylinders

A big proponent of energy conservation, Hal Bailey, of Nashville, Tennessee, got the chance to put his eco-friendly values into practice when he successfully operated on fewer than all cylinders after a night of heavy partying. "I got sloppy waste…

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Funny story: Time Gets Totally Wasted - Again

Time Gets Totally Wasted - Again

Despite his best efforts to make better use of himself, Time ended up getting totally wasted - again. "I guess some stuff happened, but I have no clue what," said Time. "I was flying, is about all I can remember. And the seconds got a little slopp...

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Funny story: Rambunctious Whisky Just Can't Sit Distilled

Rambunctious Whisky Just Can't Sit Distilled

His barley roots notwithstanding, Captain Jack, a whisky of Scotch descent from Brown Water, Missouri, is still feeling his oats. "I get antsy," he said. "I just can't sit distilled." Although aged for over a decade, Captain Jack is not willing to...

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Funny story: Nashville Man Ironically Has No Memory of Memorial Day

Nashville Man Ironically Has No Memory of Memorial Day

The week after the holiday honoring Americans who died for their country, Hank Jessup of Nashville, Tennessee, found, ironically, that he had no memory of Memorial Day. “Blank slate,” said Jessup. “I was doing a little drinking.” Jessup explain...

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Funny story: Screaming, Crying, Throwing An Intensely Psychotic Fit, And Drinking Heavily Seen As Possible Methods For Getting Through Writer's Block

Screaming, Crying, Throwing An Intensely Psychotic Fit, And Drinking Heavily Seen As Possible Methods For Getting Through Writer's Block

Wisconsin. The results of a state-wide survey conducted by numerous academic departments within the University-Of-Wisconsin System, indicated that throwing a massive and psychotic fit, screaming at the Moon, crying intensely, and drinking hard liquo...

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Funny story: Family and Community Express Concern Over Man's Lack Of Drinking

Family and Community Express Concern Over Man's Lack Of Drinking

Minnesota. Two years ago, Thomas Steiner made the life-changing decision to quit drinking and to get completely away from alcohol. After years of making poor choices, feeling sick all the time, having numerous health problems, and experiencing the...

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Funny story: Hillary Clinton and I really went on a booze bender for a couple of days!

Hillary Clinton and I really went on a booze bender for a couple of days!

I was driving down Route 94 through Detroit a couple days ago and something that looked like a witch flew out of the shadows and attached itself to my car. "What in the mudder-fried hell?!!!" screamed and thundered through my head. I was scared s...

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