Nashville Man Loses Track of What His Other Hand Is Doing

Written by Chrissy Benson

Thursday, 14 November 2019

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It's all hands on deck for Ben Higgins, who's determined to get a handle on his hands situation.

Last week, 34-year-old Ben Higgins of Nashville, Tennessee, started to say, "But on the other hand," only to realize that he had no idea how to finish the sentence.

"My left hand didn't know what my right one was doing," said Higgins. "Total clusterfuck."

The left hand/right hand communication gap.has happened before, said Higgins. "Honestly, it's getting to be a problem."

He added that he's asked a number of people to help him out with the issue, but no one's been willing to give him a hand. "I'm not looking for a handout. Just a hand up. "

For now, wary of losing track of two of  his most valued appendages, Higgins is taking things day by day. "I'm pretty much living hand-to-mouth for the time being. That way I can keep a close eye on things. "

He's also doing his best to maintain a positive attitude.  "Just because things have gotten a little out of hand doesn't mean I'm going to just throw up my hands and give up. I'm a fighter."

And he's going all-in with that fight, says Higgins, a steely glint of resolve appearing in his eyes. "Whatever it takes for however long it takes. Until further notice, it's all hands on deck. Until I get a handle on this thing."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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