New transcript of Trump call to Ukraine found in White House trash basket

Funny story written by joseph k winter

Wednesday, 25 September 2019

image for New transcript of Trump call to Ukraine found in White House trash basket
Zelensky to visit White House extravaganza with Melania doing a chicken recipe from Slovenia

Breaking: Insider info indicates the Democrats are excited about impeachment due to a new, emerging, piece of evidence.

That is, the supposed “transcript” Mr. Trump released today, of his telephone call with newly elected Zelensky in Ukraine last July, is not the genuine article of what was said.

This is why every copy of this transcript states these are “recollections” only, by those close to the telephone call at that time.

These “recollections” are not a word-for-word transcript of what was actually said.

However, we are in possession of that record--pried out of a waste basket at The White House.

The record also has a bootprint on it, from where it was mashed down into the basket.

Mr. Nadler has subpoenaed every shoe and boot belonging to the President, and is currently examining them.

Ms. Pelosi has been overheard saying: “We will not glory in this moment! We will play it as honoring the Constitution and Our Great History—leaving Hillary Clinton aside at this time! As to Mr. Biden? Nobody remembers anything from all those years back.”

To the new transcript:

Trump: Well, Mr. Zelensky! Congratulations! We feel you are definitely going to be a loyal supporter of us here in The White House at this time.

Zelensky: Oh, absolutely, sir! We in the Ukraine are 100% for cooperation, praise, and love of America, and especially for yourself, Mr. Trump!

Trump: Right on, Zel, old bud, and you haven’t forgotten that 200 million for defense we mentioned some time back, I take it. Or was it 400 million?

Zelensky: Yes, sir. We badly need that 400 million, or even more if you can spare it. And there was a certain prosecutor . . .

Trump: Look into that man, my friend! He was fired for going after a deal involving Biden & Son at that time. Now I’m not saying the 400 million is necessarily involved here . . .

Zelensky: Got it! Mr. President! That prosecutor was looking into the deal where that boy ended up working for a Ukraine gas company at 50,000 a month! Why oh why? Plus Old Joe himself was talking about withholding a billion in arms money if the president back then, whatever his name was, did not cooperate on firing that prosecutor—

Trump: Well, you can’t go around firing people just for the sake of politics, can you, Zel. Is that the way we do things? I mean, look, I want to invite you to the White House and all that. Melania does a hell of a chicken she says comes from Ukraine. But, don’t forget that 400 million—or was it 600 million?

Zelensky: Got it, boss! Will do! And I imagine . . . well, now, just looking ahead on how we can help here. Let all the details come screaming into FOX News and all that, and Mr. Biden might not be looking so good in 2020!

Trump: There you go, President Zelensky, a fine leader just as I knew you would be! I’m looking forward to many more years of cooperation and deals with you—no, no, no, I don’t mean deals with you, I mean—being very good friends and helping each other!

Zelensky: I’m over the moon here, Donald! Happy we had this chat!

Ms. Pelosi: "If this backfires, I will personally roast Mr. Nadler's cojones over a very hot fire . . . Wait! Wait! No, no, no. I will need to talk more history."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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