Williamson-Bashing Reveals Neocon Core of Not-So-Sweet "News" Source The Onion

Written by Chrissy Benson

Saturday, 14 September 2019

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Layered with lightheartedness, is The Onion neoconservative at its core? You make the call.

In a reactionary swing toward neoconservativism, satirical "news" outlet The Onion mocked the positivity of  Democratic presidential vier Marianne Williamson, revealing that that beneath its chuckle-ready foreskin, The Onion may not be so sweet.

"I thought they went too far," said Bernie Sanders supporter Kent Locke of York City regarding The Onion "news" story depicting Williamson as utilizing the power of positive thinking to materialize on a Democratic debate stage in a cloud of purple smoke. "I don't think Williamson has the experience necessary to be president, but there was no need to hit below the belt like that. We progressives need to stick together. I found it very distasteful."

Williamson's campaign staff verified, too, that Williamson believes in science and is not trying to use any of her supernatural powers to magically secure the Democratic nomination. 

"The story, while satirical in nature, really ought to have been based in fact," said Williamson. "That's just playing fair. And that's what we generally value The Onion for. I consider this article an aberration."

The Onion staff declined to comment, leaving many highly suspicious that, like much of the mainstream news media, The Onion is controlled by right-wing fascists aiming to distract American citizens from pursuing serious political aims, by using a bread-and-circus tactic of keeping people laughing all the time.

Williamson herself, however, isn't harboring any grudges. "What can I do but forgive?" she said. "It's a choice between love or fear. And I'll choose love every time."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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