Young Black Male Wanted for Unspeakable Sex Crimes

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 6 August 2019

image for Young Black Male Wanted for Unspeakable Sex Crimes
Community members are encouraged to contact police if they see a young black man in a hooded garment resembling this one.

The New York City Police Department is asking for the public's assistance in apprehending a medium- to dark-skinned black male between the ages of 17 and 25, who is wanted in the New York City area for questioning in regard to unspeakable alleged sex crimes.

"We have several reports that he was wearing low-slung jeans, a T-shirt, and a dark-colored hooded sweatshirt," said NYPD Detective Harold Cooper. "The suspect is possibly armed and extremely dangerous, so if you see anyone in the vicinity resembling that description, please don't take any chances."

Detective Cooper added that, while only one victim of the suspect's horrific sexual crimes, an ex-girlfriend named Lakisha, has yet been identified, it is believed that there are, in fact, multiple Caucasian female victims too terrified to come forward.

"Police work is all in the details," said Detective Cooper. "We are hopeful thatĀ giving the public this highly specific focused information will unite community members in this search to apprehend a very violent young black man, who may have a whole posse of similarly menacing young black accomplices. If you care about your community, beware of any young African American men you see loitering, shoplifting, selling crack, or skipping school, because any one of them could be this vicious super predator."

Detective Copper emphasized that "it takes a village" to fight crime and that only by coming together can we hope to successfully eradicate the violenceĀ  plaguing our communities."With the help of our responsible citizenry, we'll get this kid," he pledged. "And when we do, he won't know what hit him."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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