Paranoid Cop Falsely Accuses Booger Slinger

Written by Gee Pee

Monday, 29 July 2019

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Cops become paranoid as more and more thugs "disrespect" them

As police across the fruited plain are being squirted with water pistols and “deloused” with buckets of water, many members of the so-called “thin blue line” have become paranoid.

A Marion County, Indiana, officer, Dee Jay, who asked to remain anonymous, accused a teenage fast-food booger slinger of taking a bite out of his sandwich before bagging it for takeout. (The pig also ordered fries with that and chocolate chip cookies. “They don't serve doughnuts,” Dee Jay said, explaining his dessert choice.)

Back at the station, the unhappy customer opened his sandwich's wrapper, discovering that someone had taken a bite out of his booger. He immediately jumped to the conclusion that the fast-food employee had done so. “Let's face it,” the cop said, “these places don't hire the best and the brightest.”

The restaurant and the police conducted separate investigations of the incident—and Dee Jay himself was found to have been the culprit. He'd nibbled the booger himself at the beginning of his shift, before placing it in the break room's refrigerator and had forgotten he'd done so.

“Boy, do I have egg on my face,” Dee Jay said.

“He didn't order any eggs,” the falsely accused teen insists, “and I didn't serve him any!”

Dee Jay's supervisor said police have been under a lot of stress. The public has begun to “disrespect them,” he said, after President Obama sided with thugs against authorities, calling the latter “stupid' on many occasions, and encouraging “communities” to “organize” against police.

“It's a carry-over from his administration. We're being shot with water pistols, and people are throwing buckets of hydrogen and oxygen on us,” the supervisor said. “Morale is at an all-time low. It's no wonder that some of us are becoming paranoid.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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