The Republicans’ Secret 2020 Weapon: The Moralyzer

Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 9 July 2019

image for The Republicans’ Secret 2020 Weapon: The Moralyzer

Much like the neuralyzer from Men in Black, Republicans have apparently come up with a device, called the Moralyzer, that allows Trump supporters to vote for a man completely devoid of character and morality, and have forgotten that they once considered both qualities essential to a leader.

All Trump supporters will do, before they walk into a voting both, is wave the Moralyzer over themselves and forget that they ever took the tenets of Christianity and, for that matter, human decency, seriously as the qualities they most admire in a leader.

In preparation for the 2020 presidential election, the Koch Brothers are allegedly planning to mass produce Moralyzers to be distributed (along with Ayn Rand’s The Virtue of Selfishness) from pulpits all over Red State America.

One female test subject (a Baptist), after being waived with the Moralyzer, was reported to have said, robotically, “I am for you, Donald J. Trump. I am for you, Donald J. Trump.”

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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