Trump Makes Surprise Job Offer to UK Ambassador

Funny story written by Paxton Quigley

Monday, 8 July 2019

image for Trump Makes Surprise Job Offer to UK Ambassador
"It doesn't feel like you're wearing panties, sweetheart. I've gone commando too."

The revelation from Sir Kim Darroch, the UK's ambassador in Washington, who described so-called President Donald Trump's administration as "inept" in leaked emails, has led to a surprise job offer from the reality TV star turned politico, who normally surrounds himself with lickspittles and family members. All of his confidants are loth to tell Mr Trump the truth, or indeed, any bad news, and they would rather let him bathe in the glory of his own magnificence while all falls apart around him.

The surprise offer came in his normal early morning Twitter tirade, when the US president responded by saying "we're not big fans of that man and he has not served the UK well". A later tweet continued "If this Darroch guy is that good, I challenge him to come and sort out the White House".

When asked by The Spoof how he feels about the job offer, Sir Kim confided:

"I'm thinking about it, but, of course, all those numbskulls would have to go. Yes, I'm talking about Ivanka and Jared, swanning around the world using their proximity to the orange baby to promote themselves and their business interests. What a pair of useless idiots! As for that secretary of state, Pompeo, bloody hell! He shouldn't be allowed out of the country."

Lame duck Prime Minister Theresa May told The Spoof she has "full faith" in the UK ambassador who criticised the Trump administration in the leaked emails, but she does not agree with Sir Kim's assessment, that the White House is "uniquely dysfunctional" and "divided" under Mr Trump. She later told The Spoof, in confidence, that she was glad not to have to be within touching distance of the US president ever again.

The PM's spokesman added that the leak was "absolutely unacceptable" and No 10 had made contact with the White House.

Trade secretary Liar Fox said that the leak was "unprofessional, unethical and unpatriotic", adding that whoever released the emails had "maliciously" undermined the defence and security relationship with the US.

Dr Fox of course, is an expert on "unprofessional, unethical and unpatriotic" behaviour, having twice been forced to resign from ministerial posts over an expenses scandal and allowing his male "companion" access to official trips as well as supporting the corrupt and lying Leave campaign of 2016.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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