Republican Congresswoman Outraged at Separation of Non-Immigrant Baby Cows from Their Mothers

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Wednesday, 26 June 2019

image for Republican Congresswoman Outraged at Separation of Non-Immigrant Baby Cows from Their Mothers
This American-born calf was separated from her mother at birth, never to see her again.

"It's an outrage," said neoconservative congresswoman Nancy Hartwright of Oklahoma City regarding the dairy industry's practice of separating native-born baby cows from their American mothers shortly after birth. "This is something that should happen only to immigrants or other people illegally in the United States. Not to anyone who's a citizen by birth."

Hartwright added that the American-born cows in question had all their documentation in order and were certified Grade A.

"These baby calves and mothers emit tragic distress calls for weeks, desperate to be reunited," said Hartwright. "And they never are. It's incredibly inhumane. What could be more sacred than the mother-child bond?"

Hartwright dismissed assertions by some that, as non-human animals, cows have no God-given right for their families to remain intact. "Just like we humans, these mothers love their children, and the babies want nothing more than to be with their mothers," she said. "They're like us in every way that matters. And yet they're not even allowed to nurse."

Hartwright went on to accuse illegal immigrants of being responsible for this and the other widespread atrocities regularly committed against farmed animals - and of corrupting their minor children to do the same. "If the illegal humans are separated from their children," she said, "it's for the children's own good. These women aren't fit to be mothers."

Hartwright closed with a plea for legislative suppprt. "Someone's got to regulate this immigration industry," she said. "It's an abomination of all the values we hold dear."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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