Congress has finally found a solution to the tsunami of immigrants pouring into the US from all over the world by charging their country of origin a tariff on each and every individual approaching the border. A tariff of $1,000 has been placed on the head of each immigrant coming here including the toddlers. For those who successfully and illegally broach the barrier that charge is doubled.
This abrupt change in policy has come as a shock to the administrations of those poor countries of origin. With the thousands of people fleeing their own homelands and headed to the US with the stardust in their eyes believing that America is the land of OZ and has a Great Wizard who will grant all their wishes the leaders know they are in deep doo-doo.
“We cannot afford this!” stated Guatemalan President Jimmy Morales. “These people are supposed to make us rich with all the money they were going to send back! Now, instead they are draining our coffers!”
Countries hit particularly hard are El Salvador, Honduras, Mexico and, surprisingly, mainland China.
When asked about this unexpected source of illegal bodies vying to gain entry, the Reuters News Agency cited a reliable, anonymous source who quoted a Beijing diplomat as saying “Do you really think those thousands of containers we ship to America every week are loaded with just cheap, Chinese crap? No, they are also loaded with cheap Chinese people disguised as boxes of cheap Chinese crap! Just think of how much easier it would be to take over the whole world if we had thousands of illegal Chinese immigrants sneaking in to destabilize our biggest competitor!”
The Latin countries south of us have loudly protested this new tariff. “We are supposed to be taking money from you, not you taking it from us!” shouted Nayib Bukele, the President of El Salvador. Protests and strikes have erupted in each nation exporting masses of immigrants. Many of these anti-US actions have targeted attacking anything with the name 'America' on it. Unfortunately, this has also included America Ferrera (Ugly Betty) who is, herself, Honduran by descent. She got caught up in a mad protest, and they stupidly took it out on her. Luckily, they were only armed with over-ripe tomatoes (doctors say she should recover fully).
Other countries that are getting charged for their exported countrymen are Argentina, Uganda, Russia, Nepal, Nigeria, Brazil...........Oh hell!!! Just count every country on Earth except the Nordic lands, Switzerland, Germany and Japan, because they are the only ones richer than the US. Somehow we went from being a melting pot country to an international all-you-can-eat buffet!
On the up side, this influx of sudden cash has successfully wiped out our trade deficit to the rest of the world. Of course, President-For-Life Trump jumped on this and immediately claimed credit for it.