Trump visits USS John McCain; spits on deck

Written by joseph k winter

Tuesday, 4 June 2019

image for Trump visits USS John McCain; spits on deck
"Same old, folks. I swear it sailed over the side and into the harbor, no problem."

Following all the controversy, Mr. Trump decided to return to Japan to visit USS John McCain DDG 56, and set the record straight.

The destroyer honors not only Senator McCain, but his father and grandfather, both previously admirals in the US Navy.

Last week in visiting Japan, the White House ordered the USS John McCain “out of sight” so that the President would not be reminded of Senator McCain, deceased ten months ago.

The President denies giving this order.

The two politicians were at odds repeatedly, as with Senator McCain’s disapproval of gunning down The Affordable Care Act.

Efforts to hide the destroyer from Mr. Trump’s sight included blocking it with a barge and throwing a tarp over its name.

But then outrage hit the fan and the Pentagon finally said “No.” The John McCain would not be hidden.

Right away, Mr. Trump re-mounted Air Force One to return to Japan, and shortly after that, onto the foredeck of the USS John McCain.

His voice boomed out across ranks of sailors standing at attention.

“Let us not have honor and principles replace the more important matter of petty grievances and rivalry,” he is reported to have said.

Sailors were startled. What did he say? Was the president ill?

Mr. Trump then hocked up a huge goober in his throat at that moment, perhaps from some kind of overnight travel problem.

He turned his head to one side, possibly looking for a place where he could sail his goober over the side.

“Now,” the President started again, his voice somewhat hoarse, “I am not averse to a little controversy, but saying I ordered this ship to be hidden is absolutely false!”

The goober was rising again, wind rustling the flag and in the microphones, sailors leaning forward to make sure of hearing correctly.

“Let me tell you just exactly what I do feel—”

At this point, the President spat on the deck.

Outrage in Washington, particularly at The Washington Post, went ballistic.

Immediately, deck hands were sent forth to swab the area.

The stain from the President’s salivatory system was so severe it could only be 50% percent removed.

(And it is spreading across the deck).

The Navy has announced USS John McCain may need to be retired to a remote harbor in the Arctic somewhere until Mr. Trump is out of office.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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