There were scenes of utter and outright pandemonium outside Buckingham Palace this afternoon, as US President, Donald Trump, in the UK on a three-day state visit, and on his way to meet the Queen and the rest of the royal family, was literally swallowed up by a hole in the ground as his limousine drove along The Mall.
Air Force One landed at London Stansted airport at just after 9am, and the president was then rushed to his hotel with an armed guard, Tommy Bouncer, who said:
"I'm honoured to have been chosen for this job, but, secretly, I hate Donald Trump. He's a fucking moron!"
Trump spent the remainder of the morning and early afternoon tweeting his absurd, demented thoughts to his followers. Later, he set out to meet Her Travesty the Queen.
A convoy of cars containing Trump and his entourage turned into The Mall at 4:15pm, and the crowd that had gathered to throw rotten eggs and tomatoes at him began to shout loudly. Suddenly, the ground underneath The Mall started to rumble and shake, people began screaming, and a small crack appeared in the road.
Seismic activity was afoot.
As the president's car came closer, the crack widened to become a crevice, and this, in its turn, yawned in front of the vehicles to become a gaping abyss.
Trump's chauffeur tried to make an adjustment, but the vehicle seemed to be out of his control, didn't respond, and was drawn towards the gulf in its path. Trump and his entourage disappeared into the hole, and then it closed up, as if it had never been there in the first place.
The crowd ran in all directions, and emergency services attended the scene, but were powerless to retrieve the president and his party from the depths of the earth.
God's bidding had been done.
It was thought that, being a bit of a bore, Mr. Trump might well burrow his way to the surface somewhere, and lead the rest of his party to safety, and no further action was taken.
Later, an ice cream vendor, and a burger and hot dog stall set up at the scene. Business was reported as "brisk".