Whistleblower Releases Unredacted Mueller Report

Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Friday, 5 April 2019

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Etaoin Shrdlu, the linotype operator on the Robert Mueller team, has taken asylum in the Venezuelan embassy in Ottawa following his announcement that he has set in motion the release of an unredacted copy of the final report that Mueller delivered to Attorney General William Barr several days ago.

According to a tweet Shrdlu sent out from the embassy, the uncensored copy of Mueller's report has been sent, in multiple copies, to all members of congress and to the major press - print and broadcast - and should arrive by the end of the week. He chose not to state what method of delivery he's using.

The president has ordered a hold on all mail deliveries, as well as those by private delivery services. Amazon, however, has declared his order illegal and plans to continue deliveries. "If Shrdlu's copies are in our system, they will be delivered," said Amazon CEO Jeff Bezo

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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