Man Decides To Change His Newsagent

Written by Monkey Woods

Tuesday, 9 April 2019

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A man in Cambridge has told friends that, barring any last-minute complications, he will change his local newsagent at the end of this month.

Eric Brogden, 71, has used the University Newsagent for more than 40 years, buying all of his tobacco, humbugs, bread and milk there, and even has his morning newspaper delivered by the shop.

Recently, however, things have changed.

"They don't seem as respectful as they once were," said Eric. "A lad used to hold the door open for me as I left, but not now."

The newsagency management changed last year when 91-year-old former owner, Wilfred Smith, became too ill to continue. Said Eric:

"The new people are a funny lot. They don't have a collar-and-tie like Wilfred did, and they don't have that 'personal touch'. They run around in T-shirts, jeans, and trainers, and have baseball caps on backwards, the idiots."

Sometimes, the shop forgets to order Eric's horseracing magazine, and they also allow stock to run low, meaning they are often without humbugs and chocolate eclairs. According to Eric:

"They've let things slide."

The latest disaster was when the shop decided to 'move into the modern era', and to get rid of the rows of sweet jars from which Eric would select quantities of goodies for the weekend.

And Eric thinks that, taking all of this into account, it might be prudent to look somewhere else for his goods. He said:

"A change is as good as a rest. I've outgrown them. And there are choices. There's Cromwell's, or Anton's the other way. They all sell the same stuff, and I'll get a bit more exercise walking up to Cromwell's."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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