Mueller Doubts Unredacted Report Leaked

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Saturday, 6 April 2019

Washington, D. C. In a sharp response to a reporter's question regarding an alleged leak of his report on Trump's connections with the Russians in 2016, special counsel Robert Mueller vigorously denied that Etaoin Shrdlu or anyone else could have released the report.

"This Shrdlu character was a minor part-time worker on the team. He didn't run a Linotype for us, as initially reported. The Justice Department hasn't used a Linotype since late in the 20th century. Shrdlu ran a copy machine, and it's inconceivable that he could have produced nearly 600 copies of a 400-page report without someone on the staff becoming suspicious."

In the meantime, Shrdlu remains in asylum in the Venezuelan embassy in Ottawa, while the unredacted copies of the Mueller report are in the mail to Congress and the media. In Venezuela, opposition leader, Juan Guaido, assured President Trump in a tweet that, when the present illegal government is deposed, Shrdlu will be "taken care of" in the embassy "like the Saudis did to that reporter in Turkey."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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