Unredacted Mueller Report Reaches MSNBC

Funny story written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Sunday, 7 April 2019

Rockefeller Plaza, NYC. As Brian Williams was about to begin "The 11th Hour" program tonight, a messenger from an unidentified delivery service dropped off a sealed manuscript sent by Etaoin Shrdlu, the alleged leaker of the unredacted Mueller Report. While an aide filled in to start the telecast, Williams and his editors scanned the contents of what must be the first copy to reach its destination.

Williams then took several pages from the unbound volume and showed and read them to his viewers. "Here's a quote from Trump, found on one of the tapes seized in the raid on Michael Cohen's office:

"Pay the ----. Pay whatever it takes. She wasn't worth much, however, but pay whatever it takes to keep her quiet until after the election. But pay her out of your pocket. If I'm connected to the payment that's not only a criminal campaign violation, it will cost me the election."

Williams added: "Cohen was apparently telling the truth when he testified openly to congress. If he was guilty enough of a campaign violation to be sentenced to prison, how can the president claim he can't be indicted while in office? We'll have more on a special telecast at 1am. It's full of stuff like that, all 250 pages. Thank goodness for a guy named Etaoin Shrdlu."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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