Written by Ralph E. Shaffer

Thursday, 11 April 2019

Capitol Hill. Washington, D. C. A week after whistleblower Etaoin Shrdlu announced that he had leaked the unredacted Mueller Report to congress and the media, no one has received a copy. There is a growing concern among Democrats that Attorney General William Barr has confiscated all 600 copies.

Workers at Fed Up, the delivery company recently created by disgruntled former employees of two old line delivery services, have reported numerous federal agents on the premises, examining anything resembling a 400 page document. During the early morning hours on Monday, an entire truckload of packages was diverted to FBI headquarters.

From his asylum in the Venezuelan embassy in Ottawa, Shrdlu expressed outrage when he heard of the seizure: "I paid a bundle to have Fed Up deliver those copies. I should have gone with Amazon but I don't like Bezos."

Late Wednesday, Barr sent the truckload back to Fed Up, along with a note of regret that his agents had delayed the delivery of new hymnals intended for last Tuesday's prayer breakfast at the White House.

Shrdlu's unredacted Mueller report is apparently still in transit.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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