Douchebag, High School Football Jock To Receive Award For Breaking District's "That's What She Said" Record

Funny story written by SamIAm

Saturday, 30 March 2019

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Fairbury, Nebraska - A douchebag High School football jock was all smiles today after breaking the district record for the most times one player has said "that's what she said" during a single season of football.

Senior, Derren Brown, 17, quarterback for Fairbury High School football, says that the achievement was unintentional. "It just happened," stated Brown. "I've always known that I'm a very witty person. I could tag the words "that's what she said" onto the end of just about every statement. I got so good at it, I did it without even thinking. When it comes to football, that's not easy to do. But I can insert the words at a moment's notice. Insert. I said insert. That's what she said."

Brown says he first made the statement when his coach told him to "grab the balls" before leaving the field.

"I just turned to the coach and said, that's what she said!" said the oversized, jock douchebag. "It's like it came from nowhere! I don't know where I come up with it! I didn't even have to think about it!"

Brown stated further that after that it was a breeze to win the award.

"I started noticing there were all sorts opportunities to say it," Brown bragged. "Over time, I was saying it about every 15 seconds. Faster douchebag time than any other douchebag in high school history! There was nothing anyone could say during a game where I couldn't insert it. And yes. I said insert. That's what she said."

Brown says that most people do not notice these opportunities, but that only witty douchebags like him are sharp enough. His most favorite football phrases which allowed him to demonstrate his comedic talent which no one ever got sick of, were - balls, penetrating the hole, tight ends, up the middle and go deep. Among many others.

"I don't force it and it just comes," said Brown. "That's what she said! Damn, I'm good!"

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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