Crawford County, Wisconsin. Feeling lighthearted, happy, and full of joy, Ron Wesley, 38, decided to dig through his basement last Saturday, February 9th, in the sincerest hope that he could remember just how depressing, overwhelming, and lonely his college years were.
"I was having a wonderful day," Mr. Wesley told reporters. "A beautiful woman winked at me and we exchanged phone numbers, birds were singing, my neighbors were all smiling and waving at me, and my Pisces Horoscope in the local newspaper told me that things were going to be really good in the future."
With positive energy and sheer amounts of happiness decorating the atmosphere, Ron decided to put his cheap, Walmart-purchased, flannel shirt on, and dig through his cold, dark basement so that he could look at old boxes full of dust, spiders, and cobwebs.
After opening one of the boxes and finding an old graduate paper that he wrote on the Merits of Self-Efficacy Research And How It Pertains To Future Educational Leadership, Ron was magically taken back to the days when tears were rolling down his face and substantial amounts of 'mind-boggling' pressure decorated his entire existence.
With the gorgeous woman who winked at him earlier desperately trying to contact him on his cell phone so that she could hook up with him and provide unconditional warmth to his soul, Ron remained in his basement simply absorbed with fond memories of continual testing, rising tuition costs, and the feelings of insecurity that haunted him on a daily basis in the depressing and smelly dorm rooms that he used to live in.
Unable to leave the 'good ole days' when his sensitive, bleeding heart was in desperate need of true love and affection but could only find more stress, exhaustion, and pressure, Mr. Wesley cracked open a can of Old Milwaukee Beer and continued his journey down Memory Lane as the stunning, red-haired, voluptuous woman who originally desired him found another man and made sweet, passionate love to him.
"Damn, I could use APA Documentation Style like it was nobody's business," Ron told reporters, as the sensual beauty and her new love won the lottery at a nearby gas station and made the decision to move to Florida.