NEW YORK CITY – (Satire News) – The Daily Max reports that an ongoing research study is researching research studies. Daily Max reporter Savannah Stiletto, spoke with one of the nation’s foremost research studiers, Wanda Jane McBudapest, 37, and l…
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The International Research Institute based in Chicago, after years of research studies, has finally determined that eating Brazil Nuts will not cause a male’s gonads (balls) to atrophy (shrink). Dr. Jonas Pigginvelli, 83,…
A mushy pile of milled oat grains has somehow convinced another generation of Americans that it is a viable breakfast option. A recent study conducted at the University of Pennsylvania has revealed that teens and young adults enjoy eating oatmeal…
BOSTON – One of the most respected entomologists in the country has just made an amazing discovery. Dr. Kamayaki Susu, who is the head of the Boston College School of Entomology, stated that he has been studying cicadas for 41 years. He express…
According to new data, Mom is single-handedly keeping landline phones in existence. Research findings published by Johns Hopkins University have revealed that 100 percent of worldwide landline telephone usage is conducted by your mom. “Most o…
Help is on the way. Trump University has been resurrected and is performing research for a coronavirus vaccine, being released in October. This October Surprise vaccine will be a boom for Donald Trump’s sinking, drowning, failing, submerged, non-...
Scientists in Little Big Toe, Arkansas, have been busy during lockdown developing a new fun form of the trampoline for Aardvarks. 'It is not really for aardvarks ' said lead scientist, Brick Underlay, 'it is for all animals, but we felt that, in t…
POMONA, California - Researchers at The Pomona Institute For Cosmetic Studies have discovered an interesting phenomenon that may revolutionize the art of kissing. Dr. Amerigo W. Baconweiser, an expert in cosmetic medicine, stated that, after condu...
A recent study conducted by the Sunshine Centre has revealed positive thinking to be totally awesome in all respects. "This is true feel-good news," said Sunshine Centre Director, Cassie Hayes. "We found that, whatever the situation - I don't like...
Most humble, open-minded people can not only communicate with well-structured sentences, but also with gestures such as subtle eye movements. Then, there are those individuals who are arrogant and stupid-ass. They can't read any subtle gestures, l...
Crawford County, Wisconsin. Feeling lighthearted, happy, and full of joy, Ron Wesley, 38, decided to dig through his basement last Saturday, February 9th, in the sincerest hope that he could remember just how depressing, overwhelming, and lonely his...
In an earth-shattering report, a study released earlier today by the VRI -- now known as the Vampire Research Institute -- concluded that the blood of caucasians is widely considered by the vampiric community to be the most “pure” and desired blood o...
A new study released today by the American Psychological Association reports that people are funny - not funny in the "ha-ha sense," clarified APA President Evan Cartwright, but funny as in "weird, strange, bizarre. F-ed up, if you will.” Cartwrig...
Apparently, when people prove themselves correct over others, they often enjoy gloating for a moment, using sarcasm. According to new research, four out of five people who win an argument will use the addage, "I hate to say I told you so, but I told...
A government funded study analyzing the nature of the hot dog and bologna has revealed that they are close cousins, "almost siblings, really" said Dr. Janice Manice, head of Columbia university's dept. of cold cuts and condiments which spearheaded th...
In a surprising conclusion, scientists in a Gator Ridge, Florida behavioral research center, have determined that drivers who text on the road actually live three to five years longer than people who don't. Lead researcher Verna Joachim released t...
The University of Dayton Research Institute in Dayton, Ohio made an announcement Oct. 19 on a groundbreaking discovery in the realm of general lighting. UDRI president John E. Leland announced the findings of the decades-long research project to nati...
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