Written by Wesley Janson

Saturday, 16 February 2019

image for Highly Intoxicated Resident Ponders 'The Totality of All Existence' While Simultaneously Listening To Eckhart Tolle Interviews And Watching The Ghost Channel

Platteville, Wisconsin. Without the use of marijuana or any other form of drug, Brad Smith, 39, entered a unique and extremely bizarre 'state of mind' during which he began to ponder the 'totality of all physical and spiritual existence' last Saturday.

After drinking two cheap bottles of "FlipFlop" wine, topping them off with 20 Bud Light Limes, smoking 3 packs of Marlboro Reds, and landing 'face-first' on his living room floor the previous night, Brad woke up the next morning, purchased a 16 oz. cup of coffee at the nearest gas station, and then continued the same relentless and horrifying pattern of self-destructive behavior.

While he was on his second bottle of cheap wine at 3:20 pm on February 9th, however, he decided to start watching Eckhart Tolle interviews on his laptop as the Ghost Channel was on Television.

Eckhart Tolle, the brilliant author of books such as The Power of Now and A New Earth: Awakening To Your Life's Purpose, was discussing the intricate details of positive thinking and spiritual 'self-awareness' as Paranormal Researchers were digging up graves, crawling into abandoned chapel basements, interviewing people who had been demonically-possessed, excavating historical sites, recording incidents of poltergeist activity in suburban kitchens, and even entering the famous Hoia Baciu Forest in Romania.

The complete spiritual contradictions of "Light" and "Dark" offered by both Eckhart Tolle and The Ghost Channel baffled the local resident, who then proceeded to listen to YouTube videos of "'supposed' NASA-recorded sounds that other planets make in the far reaches of the incomprehensible and uninhabitable Vacuum of Outer Space.

Unfortunately, all of his pondering came to an end at 1:45 am on Sunday, February 10th, after he fell asleep on his pillow while drooling.

Leaving his imagination aside, Brad sobered up the next morning, straightened himself out, and went back to work on Monday at a local factory where he was able to observe the more exciting human reality of people cheating on each other constantly, getting divorced all the time, striving for positions of authority in the corporate realm that will enhance their bank accounts and their stature, and gossiping about co-workers.

With the meaningless drudgery of the week that followed his imaginary exploration the previous weekend, Mr. Smith also completely forgot to celebrate Valentine's Day on Thursday.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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