Earlier today, President Donald Trump made a public address which he called Christmas in July with Daddy War-bucks. Throughout the address, he continued to call it his “reality TV show.” We still aren’t sure what to call it.
This poorly-timed public address was met with widespread criticism and confusion due to the recent national news tragedies, and the fact that it is January.
Regardless, Melania stood by his side silently, holding up cue cards for the live audience. All of the cue cards said, “Clap” in Utilitarian block letters because the new America tells it how it is.
Much like Oprah, one of his alleged “many black friends”, Trump summoned “a surprise guest” from backstage. Out came two children, picked seemingly at random, from the detainment facilities at the border. He introduced them as his “favorite campers” to the audience, who sat in disbelieving silence. Melania then cued the audience to “Clap”. A few tried.
Out of the goodness of his heart, President Trump revealed two gifts for the adopted-abandoned children. They reluctantly unwrapped two itchy sweaters, which Trump explained were made of the finest yak’s wool in Tanzania, Africa, where Donald Jr. had slaughtered the beast with his bare hands. He then, on the spot, decided that trophy hunting was allowed in America again, so other people could enjoy the itchy sweaters, too.
Experts reported after the television debacle, that the yak is native to the Himalayan Region and not Africa. What beast did Donald Jr. defeat in glorious combat? The world may never know.