Written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 25 February 2019

image for Nashville Skeptic Nails Sweet Spot of Reverent but Hip with Agnosticism
"It's really working for me," said Chris Jones of his agnosticism, which has proven a huge hit with the ladies.

Raised as a Christian but subsequently coming to question his faith, Chris Jones of Nashville, Tennessee, finally arrived at the perfect balance of reverence and hipness in the form of agnosticism.

"I've found that skeptical sweet spot," said Chris of his newfound spiritual identity. "I only wish I'd thought of it sooner."

Chris explained that for a period of time after he rejected his religious teachings and abandoned a belief in any "God," he walked around declaring himself an atheist. Unfortunately, though, he quickly realized that his atheism was a huge turn-off to the plethora of alluring, Jesus-loving ladies in his Bible Belt hometown.

"Yeah, the atheism was bad news for my love life," said Chris. "Total cock-block."

At that point in his life, said Chris, he was at a total loss. He refused to profess a faith he no longer subscribed to, but the "atheist" identity made for long and lonely nights. And then, one day, it hit him like a ton of bricks: agnosticism was just the ticket.

"It's the best of both worlds," said Chris. "'I'm not some arrogant asshole dissing people's beloved Santa Claus in the sky. At the same time, I'm an intellectual, someone who thinks, really ponders those bigger questions. And I really am," he emphasized. "I do."

From Chris's subsequent dating success, it's evident that his agnosticism appeals to spiritually-minded women in Nashville in a way that his atheism - and even his former piety - never did.

What, exactly, is it about an agnostic man that makes him such a hit with the ladies?

Chris has a few theories. "When I called myself a Christian, some girls assumed I didn't believe in sex before marriage. Which I definitely do. And, as an atheist, I was viewed as dismissive of people's beliefs about their imaginary friend. But calling myself an agnostic means that I can plead reverence for the wonders of the world, while still presenting as a badass heathen rogue."

In addition, Chris noted, agnositicism offers a certain unquantifiable "X-factor".

"Women love a man of mystery," he said, "and what's more mysterious than an agnostic? You know what a Christian believes, you know what an atheist believes, but there's no telling what an agnostic believes. It could be anything!" He grinned and added, "Although, as I've mentioned, sex before marriage is definitely on that list. And I don't keep that a mystery from the women I date - believe me."

More than anything else, though, says Chris, he's simply grateful to have stumbled onto the agnostic path. "It's really working for me."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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