Melania Trump Faces Indictment on Witchcraft

Written by Zabdgrov667

Thursday, 20 December 2018

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"Witchcraft Illustrated" (Russian Magazine, 1974)

WASHINGTON DC - Representatives for the FBI have announced that First Lady Melania Trump may be implicated on capital crimes related to Witchcraft and Russian Collusion in the 2016 US Presidential Election.

Although a large number of law enforcement personnel have questioned the prosecution of individuals by use of Witchcraft legislation over a century old, the Special Counsel headed by Robert S. Mueller III insists that "no one is above the law", and that denying one's service to Satan is the first deception employed by a Witch.

Informants who provided "Pee-Pee Dosier" evidence, compiled by Christopher Steele (British Spy) for the FBI, have obtained new information on the First Lady and her childhood in the formerly Russian-controlled Yugoslavia.

An AMAZING "Lucky Break" came when a Trustworthy Former KGB Agent talked to an Anonymous British Spy (not Steele), who reported to a Legal Consultation Firm (retained by the Hillary Clinton Campaign), which passed the information to a prominent Democrat Senator, and that allowed the FBI (Robert Mueller) to investigate crimes of a most Unholy and sinister nature, thus enabling the defeat of an unspeakable EVIL plot, thanks to NSA and CIA (completely undocumented ULTRA-SECRET) actions.

Now that Witchcraft is clearly part of diabolical conspiracies against the Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign, it appears that many Democrat Strategists were foolish to ignore the "Meme Warfare" of the "Alt-Right" and their god "KEK" - an Egyptian Frog-Headed Being of Great Destructive Power.

Cohorts of KEK seemed harmless enough, one known as "Pepe the Frog", along with an attractive Wolf-Girl named "Momiji Inubashiri", often depicted in Anime style with Wolf ears, Wolf tail, a MAGA hat, and well-endowed breasts.

Yuri Bugdafonko (Trustworthy Former KGB Operative): "Everyone knows that Witches do not wear clothes for their ritual magics.... Therefore, a clever means of hiding their true activities is the so-called Nude Model Photo-shoot.

Based on many studies of attractive teen girls posing for magazines, it is very probable that the woman known to you in the White House as Melania has a history of practicing the Dark Arts of Magic.

Knowing that she has American citizenship now, the idea that she could speak five different languages is almost absurd. Instead, it is more likely that she uses a Mind-Reading spell, and then TRICKS people into believing that she can talk in their language."

When Michael Cohen (Scumbag Lawyer) was told by the FBI about Melania Trump using magic of Russian origin (technically Yugoslavia/Slovenia) to STEAL the US Presidential Election, he expressed great relief that now his innocence could be proven.

With evidence of Witchcraft being used by Melania, Cohen was certain that EVERY Illegal Act which he could not blame on Donald Trump would clearly be attributed to the First Lady controlling him through the use of spells. In fact, Michael Cohen requested that his 3-year prison sentence be dismissed and that he receive $1 BILLION in Trump Assets, because "Donald DIRECTED him to do Illegal things by hiring him as a lawyer, and Melania made him do everything else Illegal through the POWER OF SATAN."

A spokesperson for the (so-called) "Department of Justice" responded to the news, saying "if burning Melania Trump at the stake will let us put Hillary Clinton in the White House before the 2019 Labor Day weekend, then we'd give Cohen $2 Billion and let him walk free with no jail time at all."

Sources on Capitol Hill report that there are currently 168 "Investigations" into almost everything related to Donald Trump, to include Donald Trump's Family, Political Advisors to Donald Trump, Anyone Nominated to Political Office by Donald Trump, Business Partnerships Connected to Donald Trump, Web Publishers and Media Personalities Who Endorsed Trump, Real-Estate Acquisitions by Donald Trump, People Who Have Said "I Like Donald Trump" (based on NSA records), Registered Democrats Who May Have VOTED FOR TRUMP (based on Google Analytics), and Republican Members of Congress Who DID NOT VOTE FOR HILLARY in 2016.

When the Democrats take control of the House of Representatives in 2019, there are an additional 600 "Investigations" which they have plans to open, and political analysts say the total number of "Investigations" could go well beyond 1000.

Now that Witchcraft is clearly part of diabolical conspiracies against the Hillary Clinton 2016 campaign, it appears that many Democrat Strategists were foolish to ignore the "Meme Warfare" of the "Alt-Right" and their god "KEK" - an Egyptian Frog-Headed Being of Great Destructive Power.

Cohorts of KEK seemed harmless enough, one known as "Pepe the Frog", along with an attractive Wolf-Girl named "Momiji Inubashiri", often depicted in Anime style with Wolf ears, Wolf tail, a MAGA hat, and "full breasts that defy gravity."

The Federal Election Commission (FEC) has expressed 1000% certainty that the 2016 Presidental Election was STOLEN from Hillary Clinton. The "personal" campaign spending by Hillary was $1.2 BILLION ... and elections have a simple rule: YOU BUY POWER AND POSITION (except when the CIA uses covert action to guarantee the "right" outcome for voters).

The FEC denies that anything Hillary Clinton did on the the 2016 Campaign could ever be enough for her to lose the election. The NSA and CIA agreed with the FEC that SMEARING 100 MILLION AMERICANS would never be a reason for voters to turn against her, or refuse to support Democrat elitists.

Political analysts in the Media, and the executive-level of the FBI in Washington DC, agreed that Hillary was PERFECT. She had more experience than anyone on the planet, in ruling over the unwashed masses. She was the pinnacle of enlightenment. She was infallible in judgement on every matter in the universe. After new developments in the Mueller Investigation, the FEC gave a press release, saying "Witchcraft may have been the most critical illegal influence against Hillary in the 2016 Election."

However, the Hillary Clinton statement about political "non-supporters" on September 9, 2016, at a campaign fundraising event, should be reviewed, because there are voters who are OVERLY SENSITIVE when faced with honest criticism. Readers may agree with her comment from two years ago, but it should be read again below with the context of "20 Million Votes of Not Happy."

    "Half of Trump supporters are what I call the basket of deplorables.... They're racist, sexist, homophobic, xenophobic – Islamophobic – you name it.... I can't wait to ship them to underground internment camps beneath remote desert facilities of the NSA. When someone pays $25,000 for dinner at a Democrat fund raiser, that shows class and intelligence. Then you have other people that are nothing but SOUR GRAPES when my husband gets $500,000 from former KGB agents for a really nice speech in Russia. I cannot wait to have an Email Server in some bathroom at the White House, especially when it includes direct feeds from the NSA and CIA to let me watch anyone, anytime, anywhere in the country. I remember when President Obama could order Drone Strikes against anyone on Earth, and I vowed that I would have the same unstoppable power one day. Soon, we will have the Ultimate Socialist Totalitarian Surveillance State, and those who have given generously to the Clinton Foundation, like some who donated $140 million, will be VERY Lucky when I am in office. Of course, to my other supporters, if you have someone causing you trouble or if you just want someone to disappear ... show me the man, and I will find you the crime! ... HA HA HA HA.... That line never gets old." -- Hillary Clinton

The "Department of Justice" has learned that the "Russian Trolls" spent $100,000 for Facebook and Instagram ads, and it OVERWHELMINGLY Destroyed the $1.2 BILLION budget of the Hillary Clinton 2016 Campaign.

The COMPLETELY NOT-BIASED FBI Investigators now know that WITCHCRAFT in 2016 had an "In-Kind Contribution Value" of $4 BILLION.

The FBI released a statement from one of its "Investigators", who once had high profile cases overturned for misconduct, suborning perjury, willful destruction of exculpatory evidence, and witness tampering.

Andrew Weissmann (Scumbag Lawyer): "The use of Campaign Witchcraft, worth as much as $4 Billion against Hillary Clinton in 2016, goes well beyond Felony Violations of FEC regulation. The government is fully justified in the EXECUTION of those connected to the Russian Troll FaceBook Ads in Presidential Campaign Manipulation and Subversion against Hillary Clinton. Furthermore, actions on behalf of the KINGDOM OF HELL constitute Acts of War, and the DOJ must consider charges of TREASON for Americans who gave aid and comfort to the agents which stole the White House from Hillary after she paid for it with funds from the Clinton Foundation and globalist secret-society elitists who are backing an eternal state of world war."

There is great optimism for the Democrat war on Trump, due to the strong possibility of the Mueller Special Counsel being able to file a large number of charges which carry a maximum penalty of death. Staff in the office of Senator Chuck Schumer (D-NY) say their party may finally have "absolute, limitless political and economic power over America" in 2020.

Related: Supernatural Power of Meme-Magic
Know Your Meme: Cult of kek

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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