CIA Advises Bombing of Saudis Over Khashoggi Death

Funny story written by Zabdgrov667

Tuesday, 18 December 2018

image for CIA Advises Bombing of Saudis Over Khashoggi Death
Urban Revitalization by CIA

WASHINGTON DC - Members of the US Congress are receiving a large number of reports from the CIA with information related to the death of Jamal Khashoggi. Senators with special access to these briefings say the evidence is very compelling. Nearly every official with 10 or more years of experience in US Department of State has confirmed the need for bombing in order to prevent an expansion of violence in the region.

Around the world, top spy agencies believe that Khashoggi was brutally murdered after entering the Istanbul consulate of Saudi Arabia in Turkey. The highest ranks of Saudi Intel officers were clearly involved, but was this the act of a typical Middle East government doing "business as usual"? Some observers question why Iran would receive as much as $1.7 BILLION in "Cash" from the Obama administration in 2016, knowing that Iran is the biggest "State Sponsor of Terrorism" ( Still, several on Capitol Hill have condemned Crown Prince Mohammed bin Salman in the strongest of terms.

Senator Dianne Feinstein (D-Calif): "Our CIA has a track record of great professionalism. When they say they are certain that the Saudi Crown Prince PERSONALLY EXECUTED Khashoggi while agents of Saudi Military Intel were forced to take notes, then we can be sure that the CIA is giving us the absolute TRUTH. It's time to bomb Saudi Arabia, because bombing is foreign policy which makes the world a better place."

However, other members of the US Congress were concerned about letting the CIA direct and control US power overseas, while the US Senate and House of Representatives simply act as a rubber-stamp to their covert actions.

Senator Rand Paul (R-KY): "I am sure that the CIA is very, very trustworthy.... I am sure that lobbyists for the Military Industrial Complex have the best of intentions.... Congress should probably have the highest confidence in Department of Defense reports showing economic and social improvements of 7% to 22% for countries subjected to military bombing.... However, I have received many letters from ordinary citizens who feel that self-review and self-investigation by large government organizations may be flawed."

Establishment Republicans and all Democrats immediately dismissed the concerns of Senator Paul as typical backwoods redneck ignorance. In response, ranking politicians began proposals for the random bombing of structures in random cities of Saudi Arabia. Nancy Pelosi (D-Calif) chimed in, saying "first we have to pass the bill to find what's in it."

House members in the "Freedom Caucus" were allowed to contact the CIA Public Relations Office with questions related to overseas expenditures which had been directly funded through the US Congress or White House executive action. The hearing was intended to allow representatives to make informed decisions on upcoming actions against Saudi Arabia or its Crown Prince. Naturally, it received little to no coverage by news media. Some of the questions and responses are below:

Partial Transcript

Q: On the 2011 death of Qaddafi in Libya, Hillary Clinton said "we came, we saw, he died." Was the decision to kill Muammar el-Qaddafi made by Hillary, or did the CIA recommend toppling the government in Libya?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: Numerous terrorist groups obtained HUNDREDS of Millions of Dollars of weapons. Did the CIA tell Senator John McCain that it was a good idea for the Obama Administration to "Arm the Rebels" with American Taxpayer money?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: Ambassador to Libya, Chris Stevens was located near some "CIA Annex" in Benghazi and made over 600 requests for increased security, due to Threats of Terrorism. Do you still believe that a "Bad Movie" caused "Protesters" to destroy a US Embassy and CIA Facility with man-portable artillery during the Obama Administration, or do you think a "Terrorist Organization" with military weapons and tactics was behind the attacks?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: In January of 2016, did a cargo plane take $1.6 BILLION of CIA "Black-Op Cash" to Iran (a government that constantly chants "Death to America"), because the US Congress refused to vote "YES" on a $150 BILLION "Covert Foreign Relations Project" to support countries which vow to DESTROY AMERICA?

CIA Affairs: Uh ... No? ... Well, [cough] Not Wittingly. [looking away from cameras]

Q: In March of 2014, the Russian Military invaded Crimea, and while dressed as "non-combatants" and Ukranian soldiers took over military posts in Crimea. Later, the Russian combat units "protected" officials in Crimea, so they could IMMEDIATELY vote to join Russia as a subordinate territory.... Did the CIA inform President Obama or Congress about aggressive Russian military behavior?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: In July of 2014, the Russian Military shot down a commercial airliner over Ukraine with a BUK-13 Surface-to-Air Missile, killing 283 people.... Did President Obama REALLY hear about it first on Cable News, instead of getting a report from the CIA?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: Did the CIA provide any advance warning to President Obama in 2010 when the so-called "Arab Spring" was becoming a civil war, and nearly collapsed Middle East governments?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: In 2010, Vice President Joe Biden claimed that conditions in the Middle East becoming "one of the great achievements" of the Obama Administration.... Was President Obama following CIA advice when Yemen later became a humanitarian crisis of civil war, and when the Islamic State terror later took control of large portions of Syria and Iraq?

CIA Affairs: Uh .... maybe?

Q: In the past 20 years, has there been ANYTHING where CIA involvement DID NOT result in Mass-Death, Open Warfare, Anarchy, and Civil Unrest?

CIA Affairs: I cannot answer that here, because TOP SECRET information would have to be declassified.... However, I can advise you that dropping bombs in Saudi Arabia, and other countries around the world, promotes peace and international harmony.

The Congressmen attending the hearing seemed to think that it would be useful to get alternative opinions to CIA plans before dropping more bombs. However, the majority of career politicians agree with the CIA, and the M-I-C lobbyists funding their re-elections.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

Do you dream of being a comedy news writer? Click here to be a writer!

Comedy spoof news topics
Go to top
readers are online right now!
Globey, The Spoof's mascot

We use cookies to give you the best experience, this includes cookies from third party websites and advertisers.

Continue ? Find out more