Dallas Cowboys Cheerleaders Will Not Only Kneel, But Will 'Spangle Your Banner'

Written by Monkey Woods

Saturday, 3 November 2018

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Watch those knees!

Reacting to the news that one of the cheerleaders of the San Francisco 49ers had 'taken the knee' during the playing of the national anthem on Thursday, the cheerleading coach of the Dallas Cowboys has said that her girls will match that - and more!

Mitzi Snatchworth, blond, said that "merely kneeling is for wimps", and that her team of buxom wenches will put on a real show at the AT&T Stadium for the visit of the Tennessee Titans on Monday night.

The Cowgirls have been rehearsing new moves which are, to be perfectly honest, a bit racy, even for them.

These range from straightforward kneeling, to kneeling on both knees in front of each player in a simulation of running a flag up a pole.

Other specially-created moves include:

- a breakdancing-themed routine, including spinning around on one knee (knee pads provided)

- a troupe of eight cheerleaders on a trampoline, who, on a given signal, stop bouncing, and kneel

- a twelve-cheerleader pyramid, with each of the cheerleaders kneeling on the head of the cheerleader below her

- a quartet of cheerleaders performing a kneeling pose on the back of a galloping horse

- twelve cheerleaders, in the kneeling position, plunging into a huge, inflatable paddling pool from a height of 20 feet

- a suggestive dance routine involving the full complement of cheerleaders, incorporating 'kneeling moves', which culminates with them knelt in front of their favorite player, blowing him off

The cheerleaders have been busy going through their new routines this weekend. One cheerleader, Terri Crumpet, 18, said:

"I can't wait to get onto the trampoline, to show off my ample breasts!"

Another, Shani Orgasmo, 20, said:

"I've never been on horseback before, but I'm okay with the others."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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