WASHINGTON D.C. - In an interview with various reporters, Nancy Pelosi stated, "As House Minority Leader, I believe it is not the proper course of action to respond to Judge Kavanaugh with talk of impuuuu-"
Pelosi then strained her face and squirmed in her seat.
"Impu-pu-pu-pu-pu-puccccccchhh,,," Pelosi added.
Pelosi gritted her teeth.
"Impeeeee-i-e-i-o..." Pelosi stated.
Pelosi let out a sigh.
"Impeeeeeeas and carrots..." Pelosi strained.
One reporter offered, "Impeachment?"
Pelosi gasped and shouted, "My God! Do you kiss your mother with that mouth? This is the House of Congress, not a strip club!"
Pelosi has gone on record to criticize Senator Elizabeth Warren and Dr. Christine Blasey Ford for their actions during the Kavanaugh confirmation. Her reluctance to bring charges against the controversial judge has been a source of friction.
Pelosi attempted to change the subject to the upcoming midterm elections. "This is an important election. This is our chance to break the Republican stranglehold on the government. We need to focus on reclaiming the House and the Senate, not impopopopo..."
Pelosi took a deep breath.
"Impeeeee's a jolly good fellow..." Pelosi added.
Pelosi balled her fists.
"Impeaches come from a can, they were put there by a man in a factory downtown. If I had my little way, I'd eat peaches every day, sun-soakin' bulges in the shade," Pelosi concluded.
Pelosi attempted to change the subject again.
"Besides," Pelosi said with a sigh. "We need to do something about the President's dangerous rhetoric. He's making fun of sexual assault victims! He's spreading falsehoods at rallies! And I've just gotten word that he's pooping in his hands and throwing the poop at protesters!"
Pelosi stood up, announcing, "This reckless behavior calls for immediate action! As Minority Leader of the House, I will politely request that President Trump stop referring to the Democratic Party as 'A wretched hive of scum and villainy!'"
When asked what further actions would be taken, Pelosi sighed, "We must be cautious, for we do not want to be seen as reckless or vengeful. So we will not bring forth the Articles of Impokemon."
Pelosi gritted her teeth.
"Impizzeria," Pelosi added.
Pelosi pounded the table.
"Make bad man's job go bye-bye!" Pelosi concluded.
Senator Majority Leader Mitch McConnell, when informed of Pelosi's decision, responded, "The Democratic Party may be filled with bomb-throwing anarchists, but it's refreshing to know that House Minority Leader Pelosi is willing to engage in bipartiiiiiiiiii..."
McConnell adjusted his glasses and cleared his throat.
"Bipartiiiiii.....saaaaamuel Jackson..." McConnell added.
"Bipaaaaaarty on Wayne, party on, Garth," McConnell concluded.