Written by Bark of Cuchulain

Friday, 15 June 2018

image for Republicans promise to pay for cities damaged by global warming!
“No Climate Tax”? Only on Tuesdays.

Elected Republican officials promised on Monday that if cities become submerged because of rising sea levels, they and their republican voting constituents will pay to repair the damage. But, how will we know who owes what?

Ryan explained the accounting system. “It’s pretty simple. Every vote for a Republican candidate that a person has cast since 2008 will be counted and each person will owe that percentage toward the total cost to repair each city. 2008 is when the “No Climate Tax” pledge was drafted by Republicans to oppose any legislation relating to climate change that costs money. Anyway, here is an example. If you voted for a Republican 13 times since 2008, and the total number of votes for Republicans (local, state, and federal) was 400,000,000 you personally would owe 0.0000000325 of the total cost. So, if it costs $20 billion to repair the city you would only owe $650.00.”

Some estimates for the total cost of damage to coastal cities by global warming are around $1 trillion. A 13 time Republican voter would owe $32,000.00 if that were the case. I guess that is why the Republican Party is for the rich. But, America thanks you for the promise!

When asked about cities being damaged by extreme weather other than sea water inundation, McConnell said “We’ll see what the science says. And then deny it”.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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