Written by Bark of Cuchulain

Monday, 14 May 2018

image for Attorney General gets the Hammer and Sickle
"Why not? I've always said the U.S. should have better relations with Russia."

President Trump has appointed Vladimir Putin as Attorney General after Jeff Sessions' resignation.

Sessions admitted that his loyalty toward Trump has diminished after Trump defiled him in the public sphere, even though rumblings in the Capitol say Sessions lied under oath multiple times to protect Trump from treason.

The Republican legislature is in full control with their majority and has promised Trump that they will give him a win on this front for the American people. McConnell is in full support, stating that "there will be no reason for Putin to recuse himself from the Russia Investigation because Putin is not even American, so he cannot possibly be at risk by American authorities."

Trump, utilizing methods straight out of "Art of the Deal", has also pre-pardoned Putin for all illegal activity while serving as Attorney General. Putin has denied that the summer villas in St. Petersburg given to Rudy Giuliani, Jared Kushner, Paul Manafort, Steve Bannon, Roger Stone, Paul Ryan, Mitch McConnell, Donald Trump Jr., Eric Trump, Eric Prince, and Kelly Anne Conway were payment for collusion and instead described them as conciliatory gifts for Christmas. Putin is a devout Christian.

Ryan's statement was that "everybody loves to winter in St. Pete. Plus, there should be a lot more inexpensive water front property soon, so I understand the gesture". Sarah Huckabee Sanders explained to Ryan that St. Pete, FL is different than St. Pete, Russia, but Ryan quickly responded with "Do you think I could ever believe you? Ha!"

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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