LOL??? New Study Reports that People Are Funny

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Monday, 7 May 2018

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A groundbreaking new study reports that people are funny - not in the ha-ha sense, but as in "F-ed up."

A new study released today by the American Psychological Association reports that people are funny - not funny in the "ha-ha sense," clarified APA President Evan Cartwright, but funny as in "weird, strange, bizarre. F-ed up, if you will.”

Cartwright went on to note that while other studies have shown that over 70 percent of Americans are overweight, this particular APA study did not take into account physical health or well-being.

“This is not a fat-shaming study in the slightest,” he emphasized. “We are not saying that obesity, or even mere chubbiness, is the least bit amusing. It's a real issue.”

He chuckled and added, "Hell, I could stand to lose a few pounds myself."

According to Cartwright, the APA may follow up further on its study regarding the general nature of people, or it may not.

“We'll figure it out at some point,” he assured a group of mental health professionals seeking to tailor insurance guidelines regarding therapy and psychiatric prescriptions. “But I think the big takeaway here is there's just no telling what people will do. They're bizarre, unpredictable, and utterly irrational.”

“And generally speaking,” he reiterated, “also fat. But again, that's not what this study was about.”

Cartwright concluded by offering the general recommendation that people love themselves unconditionally. "And that goes for everyone, overweight or not. You can't go wrong by loving yourself.”

He followed up with a quick caveat. "Unless you're a narcissist, that is - in that case, you probably ought to tone down the self-love a little. But for everyone else, it's a pretty good rule of thumb. We think."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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