CHICAGO – (Satire News) – A recent gynecological survey has just revealed a very interesting thing about adult women’s breasts. The study which was conducted by a team of gynecologists from Illinois, California, Texas, and Vermont proved without-a…
CHICAGO – (Satire News) – The International Research Institute based in Chicago, after years of research studies, has finally determined that eating Brazil Nuts will not cause a male’s gonads (balls) to atrophy (shrink). Dr. Jonas Pigginvelli, 83,…
The Association of Super Intelligent Doctors and Scientists has revealed the findings of a 3 billion-dollar, 20-year study. The research concluded that eating eggs on Mondays, Wednesdays, and Fridays is bad for the health. The chief of cardiolog...
HARFOLD, Vt. - We've all been "hangry," that grumpy disposition when we get home late and haven't had a meal. God forbid you've missed an entire meal. But the female cafeteria staff at Harfold State College in Harfold, Vermont, have determined tha...
A new study released today by the American Psychological Association reports that people are funny - not funny in the "ha-ha sense," clarified APA President Evan Cartwright, but funny as in "weird, strange, bizarre. F-ed up, if you will.” Cartwrig...
HARFOLD, Vt. - As the world mourns the death of singer Prince, who died this week due to complications following an overdose, Harfold State College has released a startling finding. Although most of the Western world has been rendered incapacitate...
According to a recent study by the Colorado Department of Public Health and Environment, 64% of the state's cannabis users can't remember where they put their pot. 30 people, who admitted to recreational marijuana use at least once day, were anal...
The Massie Rockefeller Foundation has awarded a $5 million grant to Steve Martin Windgate, distinguished professor of philosophy at the University of California at Riverside in Nevada, to undertake a rigorous examination of a wide range of issues rel...
ENCINO - An unnamed source informed iRumors that he and his English teacher were parked out at the Encino Reservoir reviewing for an English test when they looked over and happened to see Miley Cyrus and Justin Bieber in the next car. The unnamed...
According to a recent study, America is the first 100% lazy country. Steven J. Henrickson Ph.D. (Britain's top researcher of American habits) conducted the study by asking five hundred Americans to do simple tasks, such as changing the television...
A new study commissioned by the big three insurance companies has made some startling discoveries, and reinforced social stereotypes when it comes to driving. "We all know that the worst category of driver is boys aged between seventeen and forty-...
Cambridge, U.K. - Researchers at Cambridge University have found that, when constructing titles for online publications, doesn't matter what type or genre they are, just online ones, nothing specific, are more likely to be read by the vast majority of people, i.e. the audience, readers, those lumps of organic material staring blindly into cyberspace , hoping to be awaken by some thunderbolt of int...
A study has revealed that men who wear hats make more sensitive, caring lovers. The study, compiled by Maureen Svetlenska, owner and operator of Just Hats, the world's largest hat supplier, issued her findings last week. The hat mogul found tha...
Top Slothologist Benny Jones has made, quite frankly, one of the most ground breaking although slowest discoveries about the South American mammal in the 21st century. Sloths not only count and can solve mathematical equations, but they do so usi...
According to a CNN/USA Today poll, 63 percent of surveyed douchebags hold a negative connotation to the term "douchebag". "I find that the term is outdated, and needs a change as it no longer captures the essence of what makes our people unique" says...
HARFOLD, Vt. - In a recent study released by Harfold State College, nine of out 10 college males answered, "NOT!" when asked if the Mona Lisa was hot. The survey was conducted last Friday night in Nate Horner's dorm room where he and nine of his f...
The survey, conducted by Fairleigh Dickinson University, was completed with self-identified students from both Princeton and Brown University. The results were based on whether the students had the ability to score a higher grade on the ACT now th...
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