Donald Trump Accidentally Buys a Thesaurus

Funny story written by Matt Birkenhauer

Friday, 6 April 2018

CNN—President Trump, stopping off a Washington, D. C. Barnes and Noble for a pastry, saw a book in the bargain bin called a thesaurus and thought he’d buy it for Barron, who likes dinosaurs, especially sauropods.

On driving back to the White House he began to page through his new purchase, and discovered that it was a book of synonyms, which he’d never heard of, and began to peruse it in more detail.

Now the President, armed with what he calls “The Saurus,” is spicing up his tweets with his new hoard of adjectives. Here’s one the President wrote recently, after fortifying himself with The Saurus:

“We are not in an internecine imbroglio with China, that battle was lost millennia ago by the cowed, or incompetent, executive beings who represented the U.S. Currently we have a Trade Deficit of $500 Billion per annum, with Intellectual Property Thievery of another $300 Billion. Super mendacious!”

Here’s another by the President, on tax cuts:

“Thanks to our unprecedented, historic redistribution of wealth, America has opened her legs to the job initiators, and millions of American toilers are envisioning more take-home pay through incomparable wages, salaries and boners!” (The last word one of the president’s infrequent misspellings.)

Also, the President is going back and rewriting some of his earlier, more famous tweets, like this one on how smart he is:

“Sorry clunkers and detesters, but my Intelligence Quotient has reached its apotheosis, and you are all so cognizant of this fact! Please don’t indulge in feelings of imbecility and insecurity, it’s not attributable to you!”

When some of Trump’s supporters in West Virginia were asked about the President’s recent tweets, they were flummoxed, scrambling with their dictionaries to figure out what the Stable Genius was saying.

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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