Trump Club Proves Bonding Experience for Diversely Bigoted Florida Family

Funny story written by Chrissy Benson

Tuesday, 3 April 2018

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At the meetings held in this humble cabin, the Jenkses learned key lessons about the unifying power of generalized bigotry.

Attending meetings of the St. John's County chapter of the national pro-president group known as The Trump Club has proven a true family bonding experience, say the diversely bigoted members of the Jenks family of St. Augustine, Florida.

The Jenkses, while across-the-board-bigoted, explained that, in the past, they had argued vehemently amongst themselves as to which racial, ethnic and/or religious group should be the primary focus of their exclusionary agenda.

“The Trump Club made me see that we don't have to choose,” said Cody Jenks, the eldest of the eight Jenks siblings. “They're all worthy of being targeted, and we're wasting time with all of this in-fighting.”

His sister Brandy echoed the unifying takeaway from The Trump Club gatherings, which are held in a humble cabin on the outskirts of town. “I used to get frustrated with Cody for getting so worked up about the blacks when to me the Jews are a much bigger issue. But I realized, well, for one, some Jewish people are black. It's not common, but it happens. And for two, any progress we make in one area will bleed over into other areas, because we can look at the other groups and say to them, 'Watch out – you're next.'”

The youngest Jenks child, Ruby, agreed, even going so far as to quote Dr. Martin Luther King – albeit in a way he probably didn't anticipate. “He said that injustice anywhere is a threat to justice everywhere. I think that's right on – and it gives me hope!”

The children's parents, Ruth and Gladwell Jenks, say that they're immensely pleased at the effect that The Trump Club meetings have had on their spawn. “In a sense,” said Ruth, “we're no longer fighting over pieces of pie. Instead, we've made the pie bigger – there's plenty of people for us to hate.”

Gladwell added, “And the way those Mexicans procreate, more are being born by the minute.”

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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