Written by K.C. Bell

Friday, 25 March 2016

image for 2016 Election: A New Woody Allen Film
"I'd rather be Emperor."

If you haven't already guessed, the 2016 election is really a Woody Allen film plot. Donald Trump, to be portrayed by Alec Baldwin, is a closet Democrat and a Hillary Clinton supporter, portrayed by Angela Lansbury.

Donald never wanted to be president, but instead was interested in promoting his label; as he's down to his last million, has five children, two ex-wives and one high end wife to support, hence he announced his candidacy.

Lots of jazzy ragtime music.

All hell breaks out when his candidacy takes hold and he finds himself winning primaries. In a tight spot, he decides to back out of the presidential race by saying, "All Mexicans are rapist and drug pushers."

Jazzy music.

The public loves him even more. He goes up in the polls and continues winning primaries. Jeb Bush, portrayed by Charlton Heston…

Editor's note: Charlton Heston is dead.

That's why he gets the role of Jeb Bush. Anyway, Charlton/Bush complains about Trump/Alec Baldwin's outlandish statements, is torpedoed by Trump/Alec Baldwin and quits the race.


Believing his label has been resurrected and he's getting uncomfortably close to the White House, Trump/Alec Baldwin decides to insult the Pope.

The Pope backs down. Trump/Alec Baldwin's poll ratings continue to skyrocket.

Jazzy music.

Marco Rubio, portrayed by Harry Potter, decides to take on Trump/Alec Baldwin by suggesting he has a small zucchini.

Editor's note: Have you no shame?

Harry Potter/Rubio loses his home state primary and is out of the race. John Kasich's hanging in there with the tenacity of Ray Liotta and will be portrayed by Ray Liotta. Of course, he's doomed.

But Benicio del Toro, although not Canadian, will portray Canadian born Ted Cruz.

Still trying to get out of the race, Trump/Alec Baldwin threatens to nuke ISIS. The public's love affair continues, and Trump/Alec Baldwin's wife is measuring for new White House curtains.

The election becomes a three-way race. Hillary Clinton is elected US President. Donald Trump's label is renewed, and Alec Baldwin wins an Academy Award.

Jazzy music and credits!

"You couldn't have cast Scarlett Johansson instead of Angela Lansbury?"

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The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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