BILLINGSGATE POST: The haute couture firm of Sheriff Joe Arpaio has been selected to design the prison uniform of Hillary Clinton pending her expected indictment by the Justice Department it was announced this morning by MSNBC's fashionable host, Rachel Maddow.
Maddow, whose eye for woman's apparel came early in her life when she got her first glimpse of a Giant Tortoise in National Geographic, interviewed Sheriff Joe at his Tent Prison in Arizona.
"Sheriff Joe, you have come under a lot of criticism for making your prisoners wear black and white jumpsuits and outfitting them with pink underwear. Just what do you have in mind for Hillary Clinton?"
"Rachel, I am torn between dressing her in black with white stripes or white with black stripes. As far as her underwear, I think pink pantaloons with a white filigree would look very pleasing on her. Her ample hips, I would guess, are at least two axe handles wide. To the casual observer, which in her case would be her cellmate, I can't imagine it getting any better than that."
"Sheriff, I know that you have endorsed Donald Trump. Let's say that he was one of your prisoners. How would you dress him?"
"Good question, Rachel. First of all, He wouldn't be allowed to wear that albino raccoon head-piece that he currently wears. However, because of his stature, I would probably consider working with his London tailor on a grey with blue vertical pinstripe ensemble. With that, possibly a pink shirt with a cloudy-grey and black stripe power tie by Gucci. As far as underwear, I understand that he presently wears a tailored, Fruit-of-the-Loom, knee length, jockey ball-hugger model. I suspect it's a knockoff. But I have no problem with that."
"Sheriff, do you think that's fair? You seem to forget that Mrs. Clinton was once First Lady and Secretary of State. Why are you being so hard on her?"
"Rachel, you better than anyone, should know that life is not fair. Besides, I am not endorsing her."
"Thank you, Sheriff Arpaio."
"Catch you later, Rachel. Give my best to Hillary."