Attendees at a recent Republican debate were surprised to see Donald Trump sporting a "Hitler" haircut, complete with a toothbrush mustache tattooed onto his upper lip. Before the words "Definite improvement" or "Accurate reflection of the man's ideology" could escape the lips of anyone in the audience, The Donald bellowed: "GODDAMN MEXICAN BARBER!! WHO LET HIM INTO THIS COUNTRY?"
The following day, several reporters were able to locate the "goddamn Mexican barber" responsible for the change in Trump's hairstyle. He turned out to be a graying but surprisingly muscular gent who refused to give his real name, but only offered his street name, "Machete". Sitting in the shade with his chihuahua dog "Jesus" outside a barber shop in Brownsville, Texas, he made the following comment:
"It took every ounce of restraint not to slit that bendejo's [sic] throat with my straight razor."
When asked if he singlehandedly tattooed the mustache onto Trump's lip, Machete held up an empty bottle of tequila and replied: "I enlisted the help of my amigo here."
Just then, Jesus started barking profusely at a mouse that ran past , down the sidewalk, at an unbelievable speed in the 115 degree afternoon heat.
"Goddamn mouse!" muttered Machete over the cacophony. "We ought to build a wall to keep them out of the country!"