Trump Confuses "Guantanamo" With "Guacamole" - Blames Mexicans for Torture

Written by Catchthisdrift

Wednesday, 19 August 2015

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Trump claims his luxurious hair is due to his love of "healing mayo".

Donald Trump this morning blamed Mexicans for any torture that occurred at Guantanamo Bay, Cuba, saying that "since Mexicans brought that nasty green guantanamo dip with them when they illegally crossed the border into Cuba, they've been force-feeding it to the terrorist prisoners."

Trump went on to say "That shit is gross. I mean, first of all it's green and lumpy. Who eats green lumpy food except illegals?"

Trump then explained that when he's President, and has built his wall along the border between the United States and Mexico, only good American condiments and dips will be allowed to cross legally into the U.S. Things like "ketchup", and "mayo".

Trump explained that he'd allow mayo to enter the country because it's healed so many people.

Said Trump: "You hear all the time about how someone ate mayo and got healed. That's American ingenuity at it's best. Just like the slot machines in my casinos that have made me very very rich."

Analysts believe Trump confused mayonnaise with The Mayo Clinic, a renowned medical center in Rochester, MN.

Trump concluded his remarks with "You can bank on the fact that when I'm President, I'm going to be extra healthy for both my terms, healthy like the profit margins at my luxury hotels. I eat mayo on my sandwiches, so you know I'm in excellent health. I may even change the stupid law and be President for as long as I want."

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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