Anuta Polynesian Tribe Releases Statement to Preemptively Respond to a Potential Donald Trump Verbal Attack

Funny story written by tprasad23

Sunday, 9 August 2015

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ANUTA ISLAND- "He's going to get around to insulting us sooner or later" was the sentiment echoed by the Anuta tribe of smallest inhabited location on the planet.

The inhabitants of the tiny Polynesian island, Anuta, have released a statement which lays out, in point -by-point fashion, their response to a potential attack from real-estate mogul, 2016 presidential candidate and billionaire, Donald Trump. The island is notorious for it's sense of harmony and task sharing, and each of the 300 residents of the Anuta island, was given a chance to review and offer suggestions and amendments to the statement.

The initial statement released by the remote island has shocked many in the world press, as it was believed their reclusive island would take a more reactive approach, and respond only if attacked. Such an approach has historically been in line with their overall philosophy in dealing with neighboring islands within the Solomon Island group. The tribal chief, Pu Nukumarere, offered an explanation for the deviation. He stated, "We are a peaceful people, however based in oral tradition we believed it was necessary to consider the eventuality that Mr. Trump would run out of people and groups to insult and eventually turn his uncontrollable mouth toward us."

Nukumarere even offered some examples of statements they were prepared to rebut. He continued, "Mr. Trump may for example comment on our choice of attire, and our ceremonial headwear. We have prepared statements defending our culture." The chief also described the paragraph concerning any comments made on their living quarters and use of bamboo sticks to construct houses. Nukumarere said, "We know he will eventually intimate his company can build a far better bamboo-neon lighted hut, and we are ready with a response."

As he has been known to do in the past, Mr Trump has had responses to the initial backlash that further serve to "clarify" his initial incendiary remarks, for which the Anuta have as well prepared for. According the Nukumarere, they have left absolutely "no stone unturned."

The initiative has not been without a fair share of controversy and debate. While all island residents have officially signed the statement, a select few have spoken to us under the condition of anonymity, expressing their opposition to the statement. An island dweller said, "Why should we continue to give him any more attention? When people come to visit us, the BBC, and other news people, they want our fish, our crafts and our songs, not to hear our response to him insulting our position in the South Pacific."

The funny story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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