Using his immense persuasive powers and a couple of spare billion dollars, Donald Trump has embarked to become President of either Mexico or the US this decade.
Trump explained at a press conference this morning. "The way I see it, it doesn't matter which side of the border I end up on as long as I'm Chief Kahuna. If I miss out on the US Presidency in 2016 I just have to wait until 2018 to take out the Mexican Presidency. Hell I might go for both"
Mr Trump, who seemed to be having a bad hair day since a Bald eagle tried nesting in his Holy Thatch overnight, explained his "no lose strategy ". " It works like this ... I already bought the Sinaloa and Knights Templar cartels. If I miss out on Obama's job I'll sell a couple of Manhatten properties and buy all the other cartels. Then I'll use the profits from those to buy out the Mexican President in a reverse takeover and IPO and build the wall along the border using tax breaks. It's almost too simple, I'm surprised no one else thought of it. Those dumb Mexicans won't see what's coming until it's too late, hola!".
"Then I'll re-emigrate to the US and have another shot at the Presidency as any national hero would". Republican Party Spokesman Hermann Gobsmacked couldn't be reached today for a comment on Mr Trump's plan.
LATEST NEWS: In a late development, Mexican troops have been seen massing at the US border this afternoon.