A helicopter landed just after noon on Saturday in Iowa, causing a short but violent windstorm. Grown men shivered; babies cried. Dust swirled up from the parking lot, stinging and burning the eyes of the innocent onlookers. The pilot cut the engines. A man got out of the helicopter. He wore thigh high boots and a PVC mini-skirt and a leather cap that said I LOVE BOY GEORGE. He strolled across the parking lot and stood at the edge of a field, where nearly 100 people waited to find out what he would do or say next.
"We have quite a few Hispanic children gonna take rides today," said Donald Trump, bully, crossdresser, Muslim and Republican candidate for president. "Where are the Mexican kids? Get them over here."
Half a mile northwest, beyond the railroad tracks and the Laurel Hill Cemetery, the Iowa State Fair proceeded as usual.
"I love American kids," said Trump, a 69-year-old grandfather. "Come 'ere all you Mexican ones. Want to a ride in a helicopter?"
Taking their cue, nearly 50 Hispanic children made their way onboard Trump's helicopter. For four frantic hours, parents waited for their offspring to return. Alas, they didn't.
The helicopter returned empty, and the triumphant Trump gave the crowd an evil grin as he boarded the helicopter back to la-la land.
"If you want 'em - go and find them - and don't come back! They're in Tijuana," cackled Trump, "fuck 'em".