Denver, Colorado - Governor John Chickencooper (R) wasn't so sure about letting his citizens grow mad weed and flog it out across the rest of America like a big weed rainbow, lighting up the sky - but he's sure enjoying the big pot of gold which has now sprouted up in Colorado - and seems to end there too! We caught up with him in a hot tub, as he was being chauffeured around Denver in a stretched Hummer.
"Yep, the whole state's getting quite a face lift this year," told Chickencooper, who has ordered the governor's residence, a 150 year-old log cabin (the oldest building in the state) to be flattened by a bulldozer, and in its place, move his home office to Miami Beach. "I'll be neighbors with Pit Bull!" exclaimed Chickencooper, liting a cigar-joint hybrid while tossing gold-plated tennis shoes over all the power lines in the downtown area. "I'll just phone up here every now and then from the beach to see how it's all going up here."
And, 'how 'it's all going up here,' seems just fine and dandy to us, as Colorado's tax revenue is the highest per capita in the entire country! "Everyone's happy, happy, happy" said a happy Governor Chickencooper. He goes on to explain that crime of all sorts is way down across the board as well, which stands to reason, as Colorado was just voted America's Friendliest State.
Indeed, it seems like the entire state is getting a makeover. "All the state vehicles are switching over to Pearl White Hummers, with spinner rims," winked a gleeful Governor. "Snow plows, dump trucks - everything's getting new 28's on it."
We also discovered, upon walking the halls of the State Capitol, that all state employee ID cards now seem to come with a 42 karat diamond-encrusted gold chain and matching diamond rings, all depicting a hologram pot leaf. "Yep," Said Chickencooper, shooting a cocky finger-gun at us. "We're also switching the "Welcome To Colorado" signs to big Scarface posters next week, and the logo underneath is gonna read: "Yo, We Got Mad Weed, Homies!"
Quite the little utopia you've got yourself there, we told Governor Chickencooper as our Hot Tub Hummer ride was almost over. His response: "Here, try one of these brownies - the first one is for free!"