SWEET SMOKE, Colorado – (Satire News) – The Denver Claimer Clarion is reporting that an elderly couple from the town of Sweet Smoke, has just celebrated their 80th wedding anniversary. Braylen and Mimosa Waffle, were married in 1940, and have live…
DENVER – (Satire News) - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has just announced that marijuana sales have gone up 4,000% in the last three months. CSCC Director Lucy “Sinsemilla” Coxcoogan was asked by TMZ to explain the unprecedented increase.
NEW YORK CITY – (Sports Satire) - Sports Balls Illustrated Magazine has divulged that DEA agents, acting on a tip, went to Yankee Stadium to check out a report of possible drugs on the premises. A team of six federal agents scoured the stadium gr…
DENVER – (Marijuana Satire) - The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has just released its mid-year sales records. And the numbers show that the state has surpassed its 6-month marijuana sales record by 47%. A rep for the CSCC stated that they a…
ANTIGUA, Guatemala – The Cartel Drug War down in Guatemala has turned into a ruthless, inhumane, and downright stressful situation. The two main factions are the Tapachula Hombres, headed by ex-attorney, Gomer Ixtantan, who is one of the best lawy…
DETROIT – Members of the United States Border Patrol report that they have sunk a submarine, in Lake Erie, that was carrying 265 pounds of marijuana. Agent Charlize Buckbush, 29, stated that the strain of marijuana, known as Montreal Moronic, is o...
The House and Senate are putting out an additional phase 5 legislation to help Americans reduce stress while facing long term "stay at home policies". "Hell, I can get joints like they were legal anyway," said Senator "The Turtle" McConnell, of Ke...
DENVER – Popular country music icon Willie Nelson, who is 86 years old, told The Denver Claimer-Clarion that he is putting his Colorado marijuana shop up for sale. The Texas troubadour said that, at his age, it is just too much trouble to have to...
DENVER – The Colorado State Cannabis Coalition has been asked by President Trump and Speaker of the House Nancy Pelosi to try and come up with a strain of Marijuana that will combat the Coronavirus. Trump spoke with Virgil Chickarino, director of...
DENVER – The governor of Colorado has agreed to ship up to three tons of top grade cannabis to California. Due to the lack of rain, the Left Coast state has not produced as much pot as needed to meet the ever-increasing demand. California state...
DENVER – Governor John Hickenlooper of Colorado is very upset with President Trump, who mistakenly tweeted that traces of the Coronavirus had been found in the state’s supply of marijuana. Hickenlooper suggested that POTUS needs to worry about tha...
Miami Heat guard, Dion Waiters, is the latest NBA player to run afoul of THC-infused gummy bears. On his team's flight from Phoenix to Los Angeles on Thursday. Waiters, 27, suffered a raging panic attack after he had "overdosed" on THC-infused gummy...
We "heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend who, heard it from a friend" that GanjaScope℠ is President Trump's "favorite read." That's what friend #1 (initials IT) told us. Friend #2 (initials KC) reports that "Donald has someone read [Gan...
If Nietzsche were alive today, he would have to declare, "Pott ist tot." Pot is dead. In Nietzsche's time, as in ours, these sorts of uber deaths occur long before most people notice. Indeed, there are still worshipers who attend church on Sunday, ev...
You hold in your hands (you're not still using a desk top, are you?) the astrological world's first Ganjascope℠, the horoscope that takes the logical out of astrological, that boldly goes where no other horoscope dares to tread (yes, the Ganjascope℠...
Bird in Hand, PA—News of the deaths of three unrelated Amish youths—Jacob Stolzfus, 18, Lucas Stolzfus, 19, and Cyrus Martin, 21—has exploded like after-market vape pens in this quaintly-named Amish community. The youth, who were all employed in the...
WINGHAM, near Sandwich, Kent, England—A potentially embarrassing iPhone 10 video in which Paul McCartney is seen attempting to buy marijuana in the rural village of Wingham, Kent, is in the sweaty hands of local authorities. Those of you who haven't...
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