According to intimates, in case she is unsuccessful in her 2016 presidential bid, Hillbilly Clinton is secretly preparing for an alternative career as either a scientist, a kindergarten teacher, or a writer for Heartbreak Greetings Cards.
She has been studying biology, medicine, early childhood education, and copy writing.
"I'm not sure myself, yet, which career I may embrace," she admitted when questioned, "but I want to be ready for anything."
"My education has taught me all kinds of wonderful things," she beamed.
Just a few years ago, for example, she believed that flu vaccines cause autism.
"I've learned a lot since then," the presidential hopeful mused.
For one thing, the former secretary of state, U. S. senator, first lady, and attorney now knows that flu vaccines do not cause autism.
"From what I've gathered," Hillbilly pouted, "they don't usually even cause the flu."
Nevertheless, on the advice of her political adviser, she recommends that people "get their shots."
She has also changed her views on gay marriage. Before she "learned a lot," Hillbilly maintained that marriage was for heterosexual couples only. "Now," she confesses, "I know better."
Marriage, the enlightened Hillbilly says, "is for gays and lesbians; domestic partnerships are for straights."
To reassure "the children" that it's safe to be injected with the flu virus and to prepare for all of her possible alternative careers at the same time, Hillbilly wrote a childlike--some say a childish--ditty:
She has bought a life-size figure of the Warner Bros. Canary Tweetie Pie, so that she can tweet her message to children throughout the world on "Tweeter," she boasted.
"Titter, you mean," her husband, former president Bill, corrected her.
"Your both wrong, you twits" their daughter Chelsea declared, "It's 'Twitter."
"Tweeter, Titter, or Tweeter," Hillbilly muttered. "What difference, at this point, does it make?"
