Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

Written by Matt Birkenhauer

Tuesday, 27 January 2015

image for Biblical Archeologist Claims "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve"!

LEXINGTON, KY-A Biblical Archeologist from Transylvania University in Lexington, KY, now claims that the bumper sticker adorning cars and trucks all over the South are wrong. The bumper stickers, claims Dr. Leslie Elohim of the Classics Dept. at Transylvania Univ., should read, "It's Adam and Steve, not Adam and Eve," if a recent discovery by the renowned Biblical Archeologist is to be believed.

Dr. Elohim's claim follows a startling discovery made in one of the Qumran Caves outside of the West Bank, where a number of the Dead Sea Scrolls were discovered beginning in the 1940s. The discovery appears to be a version of Genesis 2 which, claims Dr. Elohim, may well predate the canonical version of Genesis 2 by about six hundred years.

The older version of Genesis follows pretty closely the canonical version of Genesis 2, up until the part where God gives Adam the prerogative of giving names to "all the livestock, the birds in the sky and all the wild animals."

Needless to say, this got boring pretty quickly, so God, according to what Dr. Elohim is now calling Ur Genesis 2, "[C]aused the man to fall into a deep sleep; and while he was sleeping, he took one of the man's ribs and then closed up the place with flesh. Then the LORD God made a woman from the rib he had taken out of the man, and he brought her to the man, who named her Eve."

But after a while, things took a turn for the worse in the Garden of Eden, according to Ur Genesis 2: "After about six months, the Lord God said, 'Eve doesn't seem to be particularly happy as a woman. I will therefore make Eve into Steve, which is more suitable for him.'"

Adam was, understandably, somewhat mixed about this at first. But he eventually came around to embracing the new situation, even exclaiming at one point,

"This is now someone I can bone
and flesh of my flesh;
he shall be called 'Steve,'
for he was made from 'Eve!'"

Ur Genesis 2 then reads: "That is why a man leaves his father and mother and is united with his partner, and they become one flesh."

Theologians and Christian conservative pundits on FOX News are, at this point, angrily denying the validity of Dr. Elohim's discovery, arguing that the Bible makes perfectly clear, repeatedly and in unambiguous language, that God does, indeed, hate the homosexual lifestyle.

The story above is a satire or parody. It is entirely fictitious.

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