HONG KONG – (Satire News) – Several Chinese news agencies are reporting that the leader of the Peoples Republic of China, Xi Jinping, is happy to report a downward spiral in cases of the Trumpapalooza Flu Virus (as he has ordered it be called). H…
KAGOSHIMA, Japan – (Sports Satire) – The Saki-Saki News Agency has stated that the world’s first transgender wrestler, Yamaha Wasabi, 37, has lost for the first time in her 12-month career. Wasabi, who weighs a whopping 521 pounds, was clobbered b…
A man who had caught a mild seasonal cold has described how he became embarrassed by the way that his nose was so 'runny', that it resembled a leaky tap from which droplets of water were constantly dripping. Moys Kenwood, 57, first noticed that so...
Railing against the dearth of testing for coronavirus, the Food and Drug Administration emphasized the importance of making testing widely available, so that treatment of Americans demonstrating cold-like or flu-like symptoms can proceed exactly as i...
A man who has been suffering from some kind of virulent Asian 'flu for more than three weeks now, has admitted that, despite taking various medicines to lower the fever, provide pain relief, and to loosen the breathing-restrictive matter on his lungs...
According to intimates, in case she is unsuccessful in her 2016 presidential bid, Hillbilly Clinton is secretly preparing for an alternative career as either a scientist, a kindergarten teacher, or a writer for Heartbreak Greetings Cards. She has...
What researchers were afraid of is apparently coming true! Several different "Flu" (Bird, Chicken, Monkey, Hound Dog, etc) have emerged into one new flu that is being called the SH*TFire Flu! "Without warning or even warming, a person will be taki...
The good old Department of Health, Education and Welfare has been delaying news we could have used earlier but, as always, they "didn't want to start a panic". Well, better a panic than catching a mutating flu that fights off antibiotics. Although...
Doctor and Gambol, the world's largest manufacturer of cold relief medicine, has been accused of genetically engineering a virus that can induce cold symptoms in people during the summer months. "It's not true," said Paul Proctor, head of marketin...
(Health Anxiety Quarterly) - The Centers for Disease Control and Prevention recently announced a chilling new finding, revealing that germs themselves are some of the dirtiest organisms on our planet. Lead [pronounced leed] researcher, Dr. Hai Po-...
Christmas may be a time of mistletoe and wine, but it is also a time of coughs and sniffles, and it seems that the long winter months are being blamed for a sharp rise in cases of combined Yuppie/Man Flu (or YuMF for short). Practitioners describe th...
A popular hotel on the island of Anglesey has banned staff from speaking Welsh on health and safety grounds. The management at the Carreg Mon hotel near Llanfairpwll has instructed all staff to speak only English within the grounds of the hotel or...
BIRMINGHAM - The nation has succumbed to the deadly influenza, as predicted by the media. Orthomyxoviridae B has wiped out nearly 100% of the UK population, with this reporter possibly the only one left in Birmingham. However, he too, is suffering...
A Scientist from Sweden has announced that both Swine Flu and obesity can be cured by the same very common drug. In fact the drug is so common that it can be found on any street corner in Britain. It is however illegal, and this announcement has ca...
As deaths mount due to swine flu, Health Secretary Andrew Lansley has decided to relaunch advertising campaigns to make people more aware of flu injections for at risk groups. This comes days after the same Minister had suggested that Doctors were th...
Greater Manchester police chief, Superintendent Rudy Dancer, has a stark warning for motorists. "We're currently in the flu season," Prancer said at a press conference this morning. "During this period of the year we see an increase in the number...
The World Health Organization (WHO)has issued warnings to every major country's health departments regarding the spread of the deadly Asian gerbil flu. Two cases of the flu have already been confirmed, one just outside of Phuket, Thailand and one jus...
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